Only in that godforsaken shit-hole a.k.a. India does a real-life murderer, Salman Khan, don the garb of a good Samaritan on the screen (Jai Ho), flex his muscles, feign concern for the weak, and earn endless plaudits from all sections of society.
In my lexicon, what Bollywood low-life Salman Khan does on the screen ad nauseum in films like Jai Ho is a dirty trick of the highest order, albeit one that works very well with tasteless, classless, senseless Indian movie fans.
If you ask me, Jai Ho is an intolerable piece of trash, and nothing but Salman Khan’s desperate attempt to whitewash his beastly reputation as a murderer and thug.
Jai Ho – Garbage
Produced and directed by Sohail Khan, a halfwit whose sole claim to fame is that it happens to be Salman Khan’s younger sibling, Jai Ho is a pathetic, tawdry spectacle based loosely on the Hollywood film Pay It Forward (2000, Haley Joel Osment, Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt).
Salman Khan plays Jai Agnihotri, an ex-army guy whose raison d’etre is to go around beating people, helping people and exhorting people to assist three others.
The helping and exhorting is what the little boy Trevor does well in Pay It Forward.
Whether it’s Trevor in Pay It Forward or Salman in Jai Ho, the goal is to set in motion a human-chain of kindness toward needy souls who can’t help themselves and make the world a better place.
The villain in Jai Ho is the typical Bollywood caricature of a crooked, arrogant, thuggish politician, who comes here in the shape of the Home Minister Dashrat Singh (Danny Denzongpa).
As I wrote the other day, Pay It Forward was a mediocre Hollywood film but redeemed by superb acting by the troika of Haley Joel Osment, Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt.
Au contraire, Jai Ho doesn’t possess a single refreshing or redeeming element.
The acting is horribly sub-par, the story is hopelessly silly, the stunt scenes laughable, the romance unbearable, the music easily forgettable and the overall effect extremely depressing on tender souls like yours truly.
Salman Khan exhibits a detached attitude to his role, almost as if he’s watching someone else play the character of Jai Agnihotri.
Weird!? Yes, but then the bizarre has always been an inalienable part of this weirdo’s psychological makeup.
I suppose at some level even Salman Khan finds the notion of playing a do-gooder totally alien to his true self. 😉
As for Daisy Shah, that creature wouldn’t recognize acting if it slapped her on the face!
Silly Enough?
If it’s a Salman Khan film, it’s de rigueur that the insane elements must compete ferociously with the asinine elements for primacy.
* Every 10-minutes, Salman Khan beats a dozen people to pulp, makes them pee in their pants, pushes them into car windshields or shoves their heads into iron poles. Of course, Salman does it all with bare hands while the bad guys are armed with knives, clubs and guns.
* Every 15-minutes, Daisy Shah, who plays Salman’s love interest, behaves like a drunken monkey that scampered away from the Byculla Zoo when the animal keeper turned his head the other way for a moment. Somebody, please restore Daisy to its cage.
* Every 20-minutes, Nadira Babbar (Salman’s mother) acts like she’s lost all her marbles. Now I understand why Raj Babbar flipped for Smita Patil. 😉
* Every 25-minutes, Tabu, who now looks like the dog egested its dinner on her face, puts on a mournful face, shakes her head and moans, Jai.
* Every 30-minutes, the villainous Home Minister Dashrath Singh (Danny Denzongpa) blabbers about a dog and a circle on the floor.
Just when all seems lost for Jai Agnihotri, badly injured and fleeing in an auto-rickshaw followed by a dozen goons, the Indian Army gets its tanks out on the road and starts firing at the bad guys, saves Jai and escorts our injured ‘hero’ to the hospital.
I kid you not!
The Indian Army, which can’t keep our borders safe in Kashmir from Pakistani intruders, gets its tanks on the highway just to save Jai.
Sadly, there are no limits to nonsense in Jai Ho. None! 🙁
Jai Ho – Peine Forte et Dure
Folks, Jai Ho is peine forte et dure, a hideously painful punishment for lovers of good cinema.
Jai Ho is a revolting piece of trash that makes the art form of movies a mockery and travesty.
SearchIndia.com strongly encourages lovers of quality cinema to stay away from this preachy, trashy piece of garbage a.k.a. Jai Ho.
Related Jai Ho Stories:
Pay It Forward Review
Is Darpok Salman Khan Ready to Confess to Murder?
Jai Ho Review – Intolerable Garbage added by SearchIndia.com on
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Good news for you, this time Bhai’s film opened to disappointing numbers and for the first time we are not hearing earth shattering, monstrous, gigantic opening words for his film since Dabangg.
http://www.boxofficeindia.com/Details/art_detail/jaihofindsittoughondayone
Bhai thought that his fans will turn up for the film any way, script, direction, co actors, music, promotion etc doesnt matter. Alas, this did not happen this time. “Waqt sabko iena dikha deta hain.”
SearchIndia.com Responds:
You write: this time Bhai’s film opened to disappointing numbers
The best piece of news I’ve heard at 3:59AM in my life. 😉
Dude there’s 2+ hours of your life you won’t get back.
Nonetheless thanks for the review which will hopefully prevent people from wasting their 2 hours.
It certainly did mine.
Not that I’m a fan of Hindi movies or this thug, I was keen to see what the fuss was about. now I’m not.
On a different topic of actual good movies, I did watch 12 years a Slave last night. Simply superb.
Not sure if you’ve reviewed it yet.
If not, you should. Cheers.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Reviewed 12 years a Slave eons back.
http://www.searchindia.com/2013/10/25/12-years-a-slave-tale-of-perfidy-cruelty/
Eons. Really? Exaggerate much?
Please review Mahesh Babu’s “1-Nenokkadiney“, if you can.
Everybody is saying it is India’s answer to Bourne series…..
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Sweetie, we’re expecting more snow in a few hours.
Plus, the nearest theatre screening 1-Nenokkadiney is a drive of 416KM (round-trip). I just don’t have the energy to drive such long distances, particularly in the rotten weather we’ve been having for the last 2 weeks.
Sorry, sweetie!
Even before its release there’s garbage written all over it.
Thanks anyway for sacrificing your senses so that we could good entertainment in the name of review.
BTW you ever gonna catch The Wolf of Wall Street?
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Surprise! The Wolf…has disappeared from my nearby theatre!
Considering bad weather today (more snow coming), I’ll likely watch the French film Café de Flore today at home on DVD.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caf%C3%A9_de_Flore_%28film%29
You dont need to be a scientist to make out that all this is going to be dog shite (sorry if dogs find it insulting). Why do you have to go and watch. Just keep away from the 90% of movies produced in India.