Venkataramana Govinda, Govinda!
Each time a Tamil film releases, I temporarily regain my faith in God, and send up the above Govinda prayer to none other than Balaji of the Seven Hills seeking divine remission from the plague.
I beseech the Lord to turn crappy Tamil movies into duds.
And each time Balaji unfailingly lets me down! 🙁
Tamil Films – Satanic Rituals
When any Tamil film hits the screens, it’s cause for deep concern.
For rare is the Tamil movie that’s not repulsive to the N+100th degree.
But when the Tamil movie features Joseph Vijay or Ajith Kumar, the picture actually gets alarming and trash reaches its apotheosis.
Both Vijay and Ajith have specialized in churning out utterly worthless, cringeworthy films that only those with an IQ below 75 can enjoy.
Bereft of even the semblance of a story, the hero as an invincible do-gooder, a heroine with no role save to pout, reveal her ‘goodies’ and act like a nitwit, stunt scenes from the 1970s, and noise masquerading as music, most Tamil films featuring Vijay or Ajith are nothing but Satanic curses.
In any sane country, ‘actors’ like Joseph Vijay and Ajith would have been chased out of town, but in Tamil Nadu these mountebanks are worshiped and hailed as the new avatar of Christ or Vishnu.
In the face of such implacable Tamil stupidity even Balaji has turned impotent! 🙁
Veeram – Lolita Complex
Were Vladimir Nabokov alive, he surely would have penned a sequel to his classic novel Lolita.
In the sequel, the protagonist would be modeled after Tamil ‘phillum star‘ Ajith Kumar, a figure as grotesque, as cartoonish and as weird as Humbert Humbert in Lolita!
With each new film, Ajith’s heroine seems to be getting younger in age.
Ajith, Tamil cinema’s worst actor, keeps diving for younger girls in his films even as the hair on his body starts to turn snow white.
Junot Diaz put it well in The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao (p.123):
What straight middle-aged brother has not attempted to regenerate himself through the alchemy of young pussy.
At this rate, in a few years I will not be surprised one whit if Ajith’s heroines turn out to be younger than his daughter!
In Ajith’s upcoming film Veeram, Tammannaaaahhh Bhatia is cast as the heroine.
With a penchant for baring her midriff at the first opportunity, Tammannaaaahhh Bhatia’s sole claim to fame is that she’s a few notches worse than Ajith in the acting department.
I’ve just watched the trailer of Ajith’s upcoming film Veeram.
Mon dieu, the Veeram trailer is so asingam (awful) that I ran outside into the icy ‘Polar Vortex’ cold for relief.
Better to die of pneumonia in the snow than to endure such drivel! 🙁
Same old shit of Ajith stomping, punching, kicking, pummeling his enemies, making an ass of himself and monkeys of the viewers.
And the comedian Santhanam resorting to his usual, tiresome, unconnected dialogs and silly antics.
If the Veeram trailer proves anything, it is that the monkeys making up the bulk of the Tamil audience get the phillums they deserve!
Veeram’s trailer provides little evidence that Ajith has turned a new leaf!
Jilla Trailer
In recent years, Joseph Vijay, more than any other Tamil star, has epitomized trash in Kollywood.
Every single film of Vijay in recent years, Thalaivaa, Thupakki, Velayudham, Vettaikaran, Sura, Villu, Kuruvi et al, is an unwatchable horror show.
Nothing induces vomit faster in a fan of good cinema than Thalaivaa, Thupakki or Velayudham.
Going by the Jilla trailer, the film promises to be no better than Vijay’s trash pile of yesteryears.
Clowning like a retard, thumping the bad guys as if they were made of paper, and making eyes at a female nitwit (Kajal Aggarwal), Vijay plays true to form as the harbinger of trash the moment he appears on the screen.
I’ve listened to Jilla’s music, only to heighten my agony.
If recent history of Tamil movies and the trailers of Jilla and Veeram signal anything, it’s that the two new films will be no different from the trash we’ve been subjected to for the last several years.
The odds of Jilla and Veeram turning the 2014 Pongal into a disaster are extremely high!
When classless Tamil movie fans happily commit Sati on the pyre of dreadful movies featuring Vijay, Ajith, Simbhu, Vombhu, Kombhu etc., is it any surprise that even Lord Balaji is powerless to save the crass Tamil film industry.
Edukondalavada, Venkataramana Govinda, Govinda!
Related Content:
Jilla Review – Vandhi aka Vomit
Jilla, Veeram – Govinda, Govinda! added by SearchIndia.com on
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SI, in case you didn’t notice, mallu stalwart acting mohanlal also features in this horror movie.
But don’t worry. Neither his presence is going to save the film anyway.
It’s really sad to know that a decent actor like him gave okay to this accursed script, presumably for the sake of a few silver coins.
The only reason that these ajith, vIjay, simbu etc are successful is because of the abysmal standard of tamil films and stupid fans who know nothing better and have nothing better to do.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. Here’s the Jilla review – http://www.searchindia.com/2014/01/10/jilla-review-vandhi-aka-vomit/
2. You write: mallu stalwart acting mohanlal also features in this horror movie.
After watching Unnaipol Oruvan, here’s what SI wrote:
Source: http://www.searchindia.com/2009/09/17/unnaipol-oruvan-review-unnaipol-oru-madayan/
If we read the critics who write in NY Times or other big name papers a lot of hollywood movies are bad, not art etc.
I read similar criticism of Hong Kong movie industry as well who seem to have their own formulas but they still seem to have a bigger market than Indian movies. I like a few Hong Kong movies, some of the fantasy movies are mind blowing. The detective Dee movie was excellent and the sequel wasn’t that good though. Also highly recommended ‘Reign of Assassins’ with Michelle Yeoh.
South Indian movies have a much smaller market and they have to make their money somehow.
So the Producers/Directors/Stars stick to more or less the same formula and some movies work and some don’t.
Also it seems like the telugu movies have a slightly different formula from the Tamil and Kerala Industry has an entirely different formula.
Don’t know much about the Kannada scene. I would be happy if you can analyse the movies from these four states and give your opinion on how they suck in their own way.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. NY Times has given highly positive reviews for some of the worst Bollywood trash. No kidding! So I’d be skeptical of their reviews!
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/18/movies/18raavan.html
2. True, every film industry produces good, bad and ugly films.
But when we look at the quality-to-quantity ratio, India must be the worst offender in churning out junk films since India produces more films than any other nation.
Plus, India rarely ever produces a film that’s watchable. South Korea, China, Taiwan, Denmark, even Iran have put out so many brilliant films that have deservedly earned acclaim the world over.
I can’t think of a single Indian film that has won worldwide acclaim in recent years.
Since you’re not far from AMC 25 in Times Square, you can conduct a simple experiment – Go to a Bollywood film there and you’ll see only Indian faces. If you go to a Korean film in the same theatre, you’ll see a mixed crowd.
Only Indians revel in the shit that Bollywood (and its smaller, regional siblings) churn out with monotonous frequency.
3. The biggest advantage India has: Population.
Even if a small number of Indian idiots watch the junk the movie turns out to be a blockbuster! 🙁
I watched “onnayium aatukuttiyum” and “Thalaimuraigal” last year In theatres. Both are class movies compared to trash that Tamil Cinema is producing over years, but again flopped.
I have no idea as to which Tamil movies to watch this year. And I have already decided to skip all movies of Tamil stars to be released this year.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Good Tamil Cinema has no hope.
Your dear mohanlal is acting in a tamil film after long time.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Just back from Jilla. 12:55AM ET.
Holy Shit!!!
Tamil movie industry owes you a lot for braving the freezing weather and watching their junks…..
SearchIndia.com Responds:
It’s gotten warm now….just -2C tonight.
After the last three days (when we had temperatures go down to -23C with wind chill), I consider -2C warm now. I even kept my window open for part of the drive back. -2C is fun, cause for celebration! 😉
There were about 65-70 people in the hall for Jilla.
Hi SI,
Having seen both the trailers, I think Jilla was better.
The fight sequences in both are amateurish.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Just back from Jilla.
Here’s the Jilla Review – http://www.searchindia.com/2014/01/10/jilla-review-vandhi-aka-vomit
How was jilla
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Jilla review coming in 5-minutes.
It’s 4:34AM ET and I need some caffeine to keep me going!
Update:
Here’s the Jilla Review:
http://www.searchindia.com/2014/01/10/jilla-review-vandhi-aka-vomit/
Hi SI,
I think most of Vijay’s movies have a drug like effect on the viewer.
After watching Velayudham in theater, I felt that was the most entertaining movie ever.
But afterwards when I watched it the second time, it seemed like a average masala film.Having said that, I liked his Pokkiri.
After re-watching his ‘blockbuster’ Ghilli, I can safely say that it was a shit movie.
And Pokkiri worked big time because of the so-called twist.