Like the upcoming Tamil offal Settai, movie remakes in India are a collision wreck of failure and insanity, compounded by the devil of laziness.

An abject failure of imagination and the insane Indian obsession for quick, easy money fueled by astonishing laziness, yes, that is the trademark Indian (dishonorable) tradition of remakes.

Before you can blink your eyes, Yaadon ki Barat becomes Nalai Namadhe; Bodyguard (Malayalam) is remade as Kaavalan (Tamil) and Bodyguard (Hindi); Ready (Telugu) turns into the trashy Ready (Hindi); (A)Singam (Tamil) morphs into (A)Singham (Hindi) etc.

But for the sin of Kollywood’s remakes of Hindi movies, Rajinikanth would still be heaving gunny bags of rice in the Kalasipalya market or issuing bus tickets as Sivaji Rao.

Now how would you dolts even comprehend what moi is telling ya!

Since most SI readers are schmucks, we can hear the echoes of all ye sniveling nitwits’ that as most Tamils don’t understand Hindi, it’s only fair that Delhi Belly ought to be remade in Tamil as Settai.

Is that so?

Then, by your demented logic, Kurosawa should have remade his Yojimbo, Seven Samurai and Ran in Bhojpuri and Gujarati to pander to moviegoers in Jharkhand, Bihar, Uttar Pradesh and the Khem Cho, Majama? dolts in Gujarat.

Ye, merdivorous strumpets, listen carefully now!!

The juggernaut of great movies transcends language and geography.

Alas, how would you philistines understand that!

Haven’t you blithering idiots, cock-sucking SOBs, heard of subtitles!

If an Indian movie perchance makes a few pennies or gains a few rounds of applause, you can be sure, just as day turns into night, it’ll be regurgitated in at least three other languages.

Or worse, remade decades later in the same language (Himmatwala, Don, Agneepath, Billa, Zanjeer, Khubsoorat etc).

This Indian remake exercise is aggravating, weary and tiresome for movie-buffs like SI but manna for the buffoons making up the Indian film industry since movie-goers in Mera Bharat Mahaan are just about learning to descend from trees and not make a grab for the bananas.

Settai Trailer Review

Settai marks SI’s first shot at brief reviews of movie trailers.

Delhi Belly was a decent movie but the Tamil remake is an emetic, if the Settai trailer offers any hints.

Arya is no Mamooty or even Imran Khan (Delhi Belly).

No! No! No!

Even by the lowly standards of Kollywood, this Arya bloke is a mediocre actor with an extremely narrow range of expressions.

Have you seen this worthless Arya humanoid trying the dancing thing?

Well, it brought tears to our eyes!

Settai’s choreographers Kalyan and Dinesh should be asked to stand against a wall and forced to shave their heads by way of repentance for their sins! 🙁

Say, is there a reservation category for Muslims in the Tamil film industry?

How else can you explain a zombie like Jamshad Cethirakath a.k.a. Arya landing plum role after juicy role!

Now, of all the irritating creatures this overburdened, climate-challenged planet has the misfortune to bear, Premji effortlessly makes it in the Top 5.

Premji lacks the comedy flair of either Vadivelu or Santhanam.

Surely, Premji’s birth happened during a solar eclipse!

Any surprise, that no writers give Premji their best lines the way they do for Santhanam or Vadivelu.

Premji’s good fortune in life is that he was born to one of the sperms that escaped out of film composer Gangai Amaran’s scrotum!

If the word Danda-Soru can be applied to anyone in Tamil Nadu, it’s to this worthless piece of shit Premji Amaran!

Hansika Motwani, a Namitha in the making, does not have a single acting bone cell in her body.

Worse, this *^$&^#@* can’t speak a word of Tamil!

Shaniyane! Shaniyane! Shaniyane!

Anjali is a graceless simian who can’t dance and walks with the embarrassingly unseemly gait of a sloshed chimp.

The Walltax Road birds of the night we dipped our beaks into had infinitely more grace than this two-bit *^*#* Anjali! 🙁

One of the few talents in the South Indian film industry, Nasser, alas, has prostituted himself to F-grade trashy films (e.g. Rowdy Rathore).

Mediocre Music

In the first place, this Tamil obsession for filming in foreign locales (Switzerland in the case of Settai) is not merely bizarre but extremely vexing.

We’ve listened to all the songs in Settai and none of them (almost) seem like chart busters!

The Leila Leila song is not hopelessly bad, thanks to Andrea Jeremiah’s rendering of the song that seems to emanate from deep down her body! 😉

We just purchased Leila Leila from Apple iTunes for the lordly sum of 99-cents!

As for my affection for Andrea……let’s just say, I see a kindred soul in her!

Settai – Pitiful

Overall, the Settai trailer portends a pitiful shit of a movie featuring a pathetic bunch of jackasses!

Since vomit is the preferred diet of Tamil movie fans, we won’t be surprised if Settai turns out to be a big shit oops big hit!

Hello, is anyone surprised!

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