By Naveen

Sajid Khan’s HIMMATWALA (2013) is touted as the official remake of the eponymous 1983 super hit movie starring Jumping Jack Jeetendra and her thighness Sridevi.

Unless you are a newbie to Bollywood, you know that Super Hit and Super Shit are highly synonymous in that industry and most sane humans say the 1983 film is no exception.

If you ask me, the new Himmatwala, Sajid Khan’s latest dump on the audience, is not a remake but a certified caricature of a trashy film that no one has cared two hoots about for the past two decades.

The new version stars Ajay Devgan, Tamannah Bhatia, Paresh Rawal, Mahesh Manjrekar, Zarina Wahab etc.

Story

This apology of a movie is set in 1983.

Thankfully, this fact is mentioned on the screen failing which it would have been impossible to know it!

Sher Singh (Mahesh Manjrekar), the evil Sarpanch of Rampur, falsely implicates a local priest of stealing the temple jewels and drives the priest to suicide.

The priest’s young son’s failed attempt to kill the Sarpanch results in the priest’s widowed wife (Zarina Wahab) and daughter getting kicked out of their home and village. The son Ravi thinks his family is dead and escapes from the village.

Several years later, in 1983, Ravi (Ajay Devgan) returns to the village when he comes to know that his family is alive.

The rest of the movie is about how Ravi falls in love with the Sarpanch’s arrogant daughter Rekha (Tamannah), takes revenge on the Sarpanch and clears his father’s name.

There is a sub-plot (I hate to use the word “plot” for anything in this unworthy movie) involving Ravi’s sister Padma falling in love and getting married to Shakti, the son of Narayan Das (Paresh Rawal), who is Sher Singh’s side kick / accountant.

Oh, by the way the real Ravi (Ritesh Deshmukh) dies in a road accident and his friend (Ajay Devgan) becomes Ravi.

I think it was because the real Ravi says “Meri Ma Teri Ma. Meri Behen Teri Behen” in a happy tone before his accident and in a sad tone after the accident.

I suspect he would have also said “Meri Biwi Teri Biwi” if he had one. The emotionally tickling line is also repeated later by Ravi’s mom during the climax.

The reckless screenplay is a repetition of Song – Fight – Emotion – Comedy with a convenient change of heart from everyone including the bad guys.

The director also sickeningly exploits the currently strong anti-rape sentiment among Indians when the hero’s sister is attacked. All the women in the movie are depicted as extremely weak and dependent on the men around them.

Although the movie is set in 1983, it seems no one on the sets is aware. The costumes, music, acting, locations etc. don’t remind you of the early 80’s.

Why is our Hero Himmatwala?

The Himmatwala hero’s 150-minute long journey, which feels no less than an eternity, is studded with heroism.

No impediment is too big for our hero whose single solution to all problems is to clench the fist and deliver a punch.

He punches a lock open!

He punches bad guys to pulp!

He punches a wild tiger to tameness!

Single-handedly, he punches 20 strong fighters into submission!

He can lift a bullock cart and fling it at the bad guys!

He can withstand two solid blows of a sledgehammer to his head!

If our hero is in trouble, he gets direct help from the Gods.

Either a Taveez around his neck bends a bad guy’s knife or Durga Maa sends a tiger to help him when he is in dire trouble.

Inane Dialogues

Here’s a peek into some of the ‘key’ dialogues that aim to pack a punch but ends up testing your endurance:

Sarkari admi ka naam Vietnam se bhi bada hota hai!

Na main Delhi wala
Na main CBI wala
Ek behen ka bhai
Ek Ma ka beta… Himmatwala!
Kasam Ma Behan ki!

Hero says to a tiger who is looking to eat the villagers: Inko khayega to dieting hoga

Referring to the tiger: Itna marunga ki 20-30 saal baad naara lagayenge “Save the tiger”

Sher 18 ghante sota hai.

Jab jagta hai sab ko sula deta hai

Ravi’s hands are bleeding from a cut and Rekha is wondering how to stop the bleeding.

Ravi Says: 1983 hai yaar… pallu phado aur bandho

Ravi banega sarpanch aur Ravi marega aapke sar pe punch!

Meri bachi ki sehan-shakti ki pareeksha le rahe hain!

Aap jitna gaon walon mein karte hain atyachar apki beti khati hai usse zyada achaar!

Villain to hero: Kuch khaoge peoge coffee? Tea? Me?

Hero to villain: Mian Biwi razi to neeche khada rahega Nazi

Agar tumne dikhaya devar Teri beti rahegi kuwari-maa forever

You tube… U shaped tube

Lal shirt pehna hai gaon ke laal ho

I hate Gareeb!

Hero: (shouts) Aye!
Villain: (shouts) Aye!
Hero: (shouts) Aye!
Villain: (shouts) Aye!
Hero: Ab A se bore ho gaya!
Hero: (shouts) B!

Performances

Ajay Devgan and Paresh Rawal are good actors and they have played some very good characters in the past.

So, it is a surprise they associated themselves with this crass movie.

Sajid Khan’s poor directorial abilities, senseless script and poor characterization leaves no room for good performances.

Every character is a caricature especially the villain who is supposed to be evil but made to look like a dumb fool.

All actors without exception make an ass of themselves.

Devgan carries a constipated look throughout the film.

Tamannah is introduced thigh first, leg next and face last.

Her flat-top disappoints her Choli which tries to expose something but finds nothing.

Short skirts and upskirt angles are used to hide Tamannah’s acting skills.

Paresh Rawal tries to deliver a Kadar Khan like performance including the dialogue delivery. This is probably his worst performance till date.

Sajid Khan has no sense of comedy.

None of the lines, scenes or actions evoke humor or any other kind of emotion even faintly. He resorts to techniques such as making the actor on the screen look directly at the camera and talk to the audience.

The final credit exposes why the movie turned up so bad when they show the unit goofing around all the time.

Music

Shatrughan Sinha’s fatso beti Sonakshi Sinha appears in the opening song – an “Item” number.

The song is “Thank God Its Friday”, a bad throwback to the 80s disco era.

The popular “Nainon Mein Sapna” and “Taki Taki” sound not too bad primarily because of the nostalgic value but Tamannah / Ajay Devgan’s dancing and the garish costumes make it an eyesore.

And then there is a hideous number “Bum Pe Lath”.

The good thing about the song is that the twit Tamannah gets her ass kicked multiple times by different people and face blackened.

I would put it as the sole high point of this egregiously bad movie.

The jarring BGM evokes headache and sounds incongruous to the music of early 80’s.

Verdict

Bollywood serial thief and most unoriginal film maker Sajid Khan has achieved the unachievable.

He has single-handedly accomplished what many Indian film makers have toiled over decades of decadence and failed.

Sajid Khan has dug deep and hit the absolute rock bottom of vile film making in India with the remake of Himmatwala 1983.

Thanks to Sajid Khan’s unflinching commitment to his fart… err… art, all future films will be hailed as classics and all future film makers applauded as geniuses.

Himmatwala is the worst Bollywood film ever to see the light of the day and is easily the lousiest film I’ve had the misfortune to sit through. In comparison, Vijayakanth and T. Rajendar films are gems.

From the cesspool of Bollywood, the dirty rotten scoundrel Sajid Khan scavenges and pick the slimiest of turd – 1983 Himmatwala and stinks it up further for today’s audience just in case we missed the first one. The pain inflicted by the 1983 version should pale in comparison.

On this day – Good Friday, like Jesus, I allowed myself to be crucified by submitting to the torture of watching Himmatwala, an ordeal that even former VP and waterboarding-fan Dick Cheney would consider an excessive form of torture.

The reviewing community has taken upon themselves the punishment that Sajid Khan tried to inflict on entire humanity so that you can retain your sanity.

If you have an iota of good sense, stay away from this mind-numbing drivel lest it scar your soul, hurt your body and f#ck your mind so bad that permanent recovery would be a pipedream.

If you happen upon Sajid Khan, by all means flip him the bird!

Related Posts:

Himmatwala 1983 Review – Endless Nonsense
Himmatwala Crucified

  Ajay Devgn, Himmatwala, Sajid Khan, Tamannaah Bhatia