Gothic horror comedy Dark Shadows is clearly not a film for the chutiyas aka Indians of any stripes.
But blessed with a Catholic disposition yours truly can digest anything you throw on the screen.
Comic, tragic, romantic, and even, gothic.
Anything but the pathetic, bring it on baby.
Finding myself at a loose end today and not withstanding the mostly ‘rotten’ reviews the film has garnered, I cast off the Black Dog and hauled my Sybilian decrepit selves to the new Johnny Depp film Dark Shadows.
Anyways, Dark Shadows can’t be worse than the putrid stuff Bollywood foists upon me every week.
Plus, Dark Shadows comes with the bonus of three Hollywood actors I like – Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer and Chloë Grace Moretz.
Classy movie buffs (like me) love classy actors.
At least, so went my reasoning as I stepped out into the hot mid-Atlantic afternoon.
Chalta Hai
Dark Shadows is what, given my Indian antecedents, I’d consider a chalta hai kind of movie.
Not good, not bad but it’ll do.
Me never got high like I did the other night after watching the Chinese film Ocean Heaven (Jet Li) nor did I fall in the deep end of the despair pool that Bollywood invariably pushes me into.
As most baby boomers in Amreeka would know, Dark Shadows is based on the late 60s eponymous TV series.
Apparently the TV series was popular in its time and over the years amassed many notable fans including this film’s director Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, Madonna and Quentin Tarantino.
Hell Hath No Fury ….1776 Meets 1972
The movie starts off in 18th century Liverpool and quickly shifts to Amreeka where the Collins family has moved, like so many immigrants before and since, seeking fortune and fame in the New World.
Things go swimmingly well for the family that settles by the sea-side in Maine. Soon a city has grown there named Collinsport, after the Collin family.
All izz well until young Barnabas Collins (who else, but Johnny Depp) falls foul of a beautiful young maiden Angelique Bouchard when he spurns her love.
Hell hath no fury like a scorned woman.
And greater the wrath you invite when the scorned woman Angelique also happens to be a witch practicing sorcery of the diabolique kind.
Soon enough Barnabas’ parents are murdered, his lover Josette forced off the cliff and our fine strapping young man turned into a vampire, chained and buried in a tight iron box where he lies for nearly 200 years.
All the fiendish work of the vengeful Angelique, her spells and her curses.
Until some 20th century construction workers stumble upon the metal casket, open it and quickly meet a gory end.
Where do you think our Barnabas, blissfully unaware that two centuries has passed by, goes next?
Of course, to his home.
Only to find his beloved Collinwood in utter disrepair and the current residents Elizabeth Collins (the ever-charming Michelle Pfeiffer), her rebellious daughter Caroline (lovely Chloë Grace Moretz) et al in straitened circumstances.
But if Barnabas is back from the past promising to restore Collinwood to its former glory, can Angelique and Josette be far behind.
Soon, it seems like 1776 redux.
Will Angelique triumph again, can Barnabas withstand her overtures and her wicked sorcery, does the love of Victoria Winters (Josette in a new avatar) win this time or is it the cliff all over again?
Michelle Pfeiffer oozes class and age has not diminished her beauty nor the spell she casts over besotted fans like me.
As is his wont, Johnny Depp does a good job. But he didn’t put me under a spell in Dark Shadows.
That the French actress Eva Gaëlle Green easily did, making me swoon under her spell.
Eva Green is a superb choice for Angelique.
This woman can emote, and so diabolically well. I for one would love to see more of Eva Green.
The little English dynamo of talent Helena Bonham Carter is superb as the psychiatrist. I can’t visualize a role that Helena Bonham Carter won’t excel in.
Bet she’d bring a completely new dimension to even James Bond. Any takers for this comedy?
The dialogs sparkle occasionally.
I found the photography more than a tad disappointing. Was this the same Bruno Delbonnel that filmed Amélie (2001).
Besides the ho-hum photography, Dark Shadows fails to hit the high notes on the narrative side as well. Just not gripping enough to keep me engaged.
Of course, I wouldn’t dream of telling all ye chutiyas to watch Dark Shadows.
Because it just ain’t your cup of movie chai.
Dark Shadows – No Highs but Not Bad added by SearchIndia.com on
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try Edward Scissorhands to make you swoon..
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099487/
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Edward Scissorhands has been on our list for a long time!
Hopefully soon.
Edward scissorhands.. now it strikes me. I had totally forgotten this.. watched this almost 2 decades back.. don’t remember much except that I loved the movie..!!
comments awaiting moderation…. is all well??
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Sorry for the delay in processing sweetie!
Grappling with some serious IT issues!
Just couldn’t help notice that your writing style has changed. Has SI roped in a new blogger or something?
SearchIndia.com Responds:
The old SI is Dead.
I have terminated them with extreme prejudice.
Word has reached my ears that the old SI was insensitive toward readers/commenters and lacked empathy.
Damn.. I just loved the dark humor in old SI..
However looks like old SI is either proof reading the work of new SI or the new SI is trying hard to emulate the old SI sans the dark humor.
Bring back, Old SI.. “they” are way too funny
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Old SI was most definitely a macabre personality.
As I said earlier, old SI lacked empathy but possessed a surfeit of antipathy, packed a king-sized ego but a thin epidermis, deleted registrations of several long-time faithful members capriciously but kept on chamchas willfully, was obnoxiously arrogant but noxiously dumb, wantonly used intemperate language but distressingly never showed humility…..and was even writing under the influence. Can it get any worse?
It’d take an encyclopedia to catalog all the sins of the old SI. 🙁
Seriously, I ask you is it impossible to pen a review or blog post without resorting to foul language or denigrating people endlessly.
Bottom line, tired of fielding complaints ad infinitum and keeping the longevity of this blog in mind I terminated old SI with extreme prejudice and took over the reins myself. I have no regrets and neither should you.
Going forward, commenters, readers and subjects of the SI blog can look forward to being treated with civility and respect.
WOW! thats a paradigm shift. Now it is not clear whether the old SI is “DEAD” dead or retired dead. It gets more and more mysterious!
Insulting as it might have been, the old SI had a deadly sense of humor. Will the new SI take a politically correct route on sensitive points?
SearchIndia.com Responds:
You write: WOW! thats a paradigm shift.
Yes sir, truly a paradigm shift.
I will eschew the route to cheap popularity by trashing people.
Let’s look at the good in every soul.
Know ye all, henceforth, the SI blog will refer to Trisha Krishnan and Priyanka Chopra as Trisha-ji and Priyanka-ji respectively!
And Abhishek Bachchan will never again be referred to as a duffer, imbecile, dodo, born-loser, moron, brain-dead, comatose or any of the other ugly imprecations that fine gentleman was saddled with by my predecessor! Instead, he will always be Mr.Bachchan, Jr.
And it’s certainly within the realm of possibility that the victims just got in the way of Mr.Salman Khan’s SUV for some cheap publicity. There’s no need to victimize Mr.Khan’s success just because some poor people don’t know where/how to sleep or walk.
“And Abhishek Bachchan will never again be referred to as a duffer, imbecile, dodo, born-loser, moron, brain-dead, comatose or any of the other ugly imprecations that fine gentleman was saddled with by my predecessor! Instead, he will always be Mr.Bachchan, Jr”
This was funny as hell.. nearly fell off my chair laughing.. ha ha..!! 😛
I smell sarcasm.. 😉
SearchIndia.com Responds:
It pains me deeply when you dismiss my honest straight-from-the-heart intentions as sarcasm.
As SI reader/commenter the peerless Dr.Logu once noted in a moment of profound rhetorical reflection, omg engum fraud edhilum fraud? ulagil nallavangale ilaya? (are there no good people left in the world?)
That particular line was almost on par with the wit and sarcasm of your “egoistic, obnoxiously arrogant but noxiously dumb” predecessor!! 😛
I won’t b surprised if the readers persistently demand for the Return of the Old SI… !! It’s as if old SI has become a legend. After all, we r so used to that “arrogant but dumb, insensitive and drunk” poor soul who used to entertain us with the deadly humor and sarcasm he/they/it was revered for..!!
SearchIndia.com Responds:
You write: I won’t b surprised if the readers persistently demand for the Return of the Old SI
All bad people must meet their inevitable gory end.
Stalin died in a pool of urine, his own (at least, so historians like Robert Service say). All that was left of Hitler were the gray ashes and his teeth (William Shirer et al).
Old SI is irrevocably gone.
Mourn not for that Old SI wastrel,
Save the tears for a more worthy soul.
For what is today done,
can tomorrow never be undone!
“As I said earlier, old SI lacked empathy but possessed a surfeit of antipathy, packed a king-sized ego but a thin epidermis, deleted registrations of several long-time faithful members capriciously but kept on chamchas willfully, was obnoxiously arrogant but noxiously dumb, wantonly used intemperate language but distressingly never showed humility…..and was even writing under the influence. Can it get any worse”
Old SI’s humor was at best when he/she/they/it was under influence.. u seem to be a humbler version of the previous SI..??
What brought about this change?
SearchIndia.com Responds:
You write: What brought about this change?
Three things, Ejection of the old SI, Jesus Christ and a Reading of the OLD Testament.
I’m so with unknownvirus on this,
I’m really ok with the old SI who lacked empathy but possessed a surfeit of antipathy, packed a king-sized ego but a thin epidermis, deleted registrations of several long-time faithful members capriciously but kept on chamchas willfully, was obnoxiously arrogant but noxiously dumb, wantonly used intemperate language but distressingly never showed humility…..and was even writing under the influence.
And NO its can’t get any worse
Can we have a poll on this?
We love you new SI but we love the Old SI just a bit more 🙂
No offence ya.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
You write: Can we have a poll on this? We love you new SI but we love the Old SI just a bit more
Thank You, Ma’am.
I just got off the phone with the folks at Gallup Poll and they should be in touch with you shortly on the merits of Old SI vs New SI. 😉
It may be so, but from what new SI is saying, the old one is “irrevocably gone”.
The old SI saw a lot more of Eva Green in Dreamers. Maybe you should watch it too.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Man, just read the Dreamers review by the old SI.
I’m tongue-tied….and packing my bags for France (and my new muse Eva Gaëlle Green).
Au revoir, baby!
yay! my account is restored! thanks to new SI.
Comment not shown as awaiting moderation! Testing again.
Comments published at 11:50 pm. So the new SI is in many ways like the old SI. A nocturnal animal.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Comments will be processed at 2:57AM (EST) too. 😉
Night Without End…..for SI.
Night Without End? Was that a movie, a book or my mind playing tricks?
I’m back.
Yo, SI (III?), and the fellow readers. For reasons unknown, my account was terminated. 🙁 Now I registered again seeing the register link available again.
Was the SI (II) really gone forever?
SearchIndia.com Responds:
You write: Was the SI (II) really gone forever?
If you mean the old SI blackguard, yeah, the sick *^$#@*^% is out.
when can we expect Tamil movie reviews? Vazhakku en 18/9, has garnered glowing reviews from all over the media.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Alas, my limited language skills come in the way of appreciating regional language films.