Hell, we’re desperate to stop writing those dreadful Incredible India stories.

But those countless Shaitans in India just won’t let us put a period to these only-in-India stories.

Here’s a bunch of Incredible India stories that should make every Indian hang its head in shame.

* The other day a poor Dalit (an untouchable, according to Indians) went to a barber-shop in Kiragavulu in Mandya district of Karnataka and demanded a shave.

The barber refused.

And when the poor Dalit named Chikkamanchaiah insisted, the incensed barber took his razor and cut off the man’s nose.

Think we’re making this up.

Here, read this excerpt in the Times of India:

Police said Chikkamanchaiah , 51, requested Mahadev and his father Mariyayya to shave his beard. The duo not only refused to do it, but also asked him to leave the shop. A quarrel ensued, and Mariyayya grabbed Chikkamanchaiah’s hands and Mahadev chopped off his nose. He was rushed to the district hospital where doctors reattached the nose.

Say what you will but civilization is in short supply in that benighted land aka India.

* With 1.2 billion people, we think India is an over-populated hellhole shithole with hundreds of millions struggling without food, clothing or shelter.

Hell, what do we know.

We were idly perusing India-related stories on our iPad 2 via Zites (a superb Tablet application owned by CNN) and the following is what we stumbled upon at CBS News.

Catholic priests in South India concerned that their numbers are shrinking are asking the church members to breed more.

In other words, Catholics are being exhorted to have more children.

Disgusting!

Here’s the Breed-More Catholics excerpt from CBS News:

Worried about its dwindling numbers, the Roman Catholic church in southern India is exhorting its flock to have more children, with some parishes offering free schooling, medical care and even cash bonuses for large families, church officials said Tuesday.

The strategy comes as India’s population tops 1.2 billion, making it the second most populous country in the world after China, and runs counter to a national government policy of limiting family size.

But in the southern state of Kerala, where Catholics have long been a large, important minority, church authorities believe the state’s overall Christian population could drop to 17 percent this year, down from 19.5 percent in 1991. While they don’t have precise numbers for the Catholic population, they believe it is also dropping sharply.

“The Christian community in Kerala is dwindling. We realized that if the numbers decreased further, it would have a negative impact on the community,” said Babu Joseph, spokesman for the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of India in New Delhi.

….A large number of church-sponsored groups in Kerala have begun campaigns with the slogan “A large family is a happy family.”

….the Catholic church plans to honor large families at a ceremony next month.

* We’ve always considered our Bollywood stars as a bunch of Chutiyas.

Some of them like Salman Khan are hit-and-run murderers, some like Shiney Ahuja are rapists while others like Sanjay Dutt traffic in prohibited arms.

And then there are the big time Pak-Loving Chutiyas like Shahrukh Khan who insist we should all love our Terroristan neighbors.

Now, another Bollywood star Ranbir Kapoor has joined the Chutiya gang with his gushing praise on that useless Congress ‘neta’ Rahul Gandhi in the Hindustan Times:

Recently, for the first time, Ranbir opened up about the Gandhi scion. “It feels great to know that people think I’m eligible, but if you ask me, Mr Gandhi is the future of politics in India. So, it’s an honour if people put me in the same bracket as him,” says Ranbir. Interestingly, according to the results of a survey conducted by a matrimonial site from Mumbai, Gandhi tops the list of bachelors most likely to get married in 2011

* Whoever knew that our favorite breakfast Idli-Sambar could be deadly.

Hey, they’re among the few pleasures left for us in the autumn of our lives.

But doctors are cautioning against Idlis.

Here, read this excerpt from the Deccan Chronicle:

The rice and idlis immersed in sambar that South Indians are so fond of, are the worst enemies for the heart and also are major causes of diabetes, according to leading nutritionists.

“Rice, idli, milk, potatoes and basically all that is tempting to the palette make sugar levels in the body shoot up drastically and result in increased glycemic index,” Dr Chenniappan, senior consultant cardiologist, Ramakrishna Hospitals, Tiruchy, said at a national conference on Nutrition in Metabolic Disorders at Women’s Christian College, Chennai.

Staple foods were traditionally eaten with less refined grains high in dietary fibre but have been replaced by polished rice, resulting in an increased calorie load.

* In Incredible India, Shining India, babies are still born on the footpaths and streets.

Yes, in the land of Infosys, Wipro, TCS and a thousand BPOs poor people are forced to deliver babies on the street because hospitals refuse to admit them on one ground or another.

Here’s the tragic story of one Mumbai footpath delivery (courtesy NDTV):

A 22-year-old woman was forced to deliver a baby on a street in Mumbai in the dead of night after a hospital denied her admission. Owing to lack of any medical care, the baby could not survive for more than a few hours.

The incident happened outside the BMC-run Bhabha Hospital in Kurla (West). The hospital has seen three such incidents in the last three months.

Now, if you Chutiyas will excuse us, we have better things to do, like getting back to our delicious Peach Lemonade + Gin cocktail. 😉