Ready Review – Pageant of Trash
The first reviews of Salman Khan’s new film Ready are out.
And they are not positive.
Here’s a sample of critical reviews for Ready:
Times of India
The first half involves running around the trees (read beating around the bush) while the actual story starts only in the second half. The graph of the narrative does pick up somewhere in the second half but the tempo falls intermittently thanks to the convoluted writing and the protracted proceedings. By the time the film reaches its melodramatic high-voltage climax giving Salman simulated scope to go topless, it leaves you exasperated.
The entire villain tribe is unusually unkempt and intentionally irritating. The sidetrack of the pampered spoilt grandson (Mohit Baghel) being subjugated by Salman’s buffoonery is annoying. Sajid-Farhad’s dialogues don’t elevate the humour much and when Salman expresses romance with lines like ‘main kutta hoon, yeh kutiya hain’, you know the film is going to the dogs.
NDTV
So, the climax includes little boys standing in a line and peeing on the baddies; the dialogue includes lines like: “in that case, aa jao mere paas meri suitcase” and my favorite: “aaj pehli baar kisi aurat ne samajdari ki baat ki” and if you prefer your films to have a coherent plot, then you best sit this one out.
Ready made me laugh sporadically but beyond a point I could almost feel my brain cells shrinking and exhaustion setting in, one joke at a time. I’m going with two stars.
Rediff
If, however, I had to pay to watch Ready, Anees Bazmee’s latest film, I would feel sorely insulted. One doesn’t and can’t really take offense at a bad film, but a film that doesn’t even try Now that’s a whole different league of idiocy. It’s all very well to turn Priyadarshanese into a bloody genre, but films like Ready often don’t even feel like actual films: just a showcase of Sallu Bhai and his intentionally-limited skills. The plot is puerile, the characters are stock, and the heroine is a prop, all so that Salman can strut around like a megastar and some of us can applaud indulgently as if watching a twelve-year-old paint the roof of a chapel. With a chappal. (Yeah, that pun would have made it into Bazmee’s script easy.)
To make things clear, this is not Dabanng. Looking at that historically huge hit, one can see what works: Salman swaggers around the place in a moustache, sure, but there is also a fundamental reliance on plot, however inanely formulaic. In this latest film, Khan seems to be pushing his own rather frightening envelope — “How little can I get away with?” “Will they pay to just watch me smirk?” “Can I do this scene campy and that scene straight?” “Will the audience eat up random groin thrusts if only I use the hilarious word ‘peoples’ over and over again?” — and Ready, as a result, falls flat for lack of trying. It is a film trying to coast on Salman while Salman tries to coast on his own star-wattage, and so we have a film with a first half that takes ages to get going and a second half that just doesn’t end.
DNA
…The plot of the film twists and turns around pointless landmarks like typical Aamir Khan jokes, silly innuendo, goofy scenes and a few signature Anees Bazmee characters — a few of which are mildly amusing. Post the pee break (that’s what they call the interval), Salman goes all Hero No 1 to win his lady over.
Ready is mindless but entertaining in parts. Expectations from the film were high considering the last film that featured the star was a blockbuster. Ready isn’t a patch on Salman’s Wanted or Dabangg in terms of entertainment value.
Reuters India
There is always a rich hero, an airhead of a heroine, long-haired, weird looking villains who make sporadic appearances and brandish guns, bumbling aunts and uncles and loads of toilet humour. You can also call it mass cinema, formula films or the oft-used “leave-your-brains-behind-cinema.”
IBNLive:
‘Ready’ is strictly for die-hard Salman Khan fans (are there any other kind?) who’re willing to forgive the fact that this tasteless, senseless film has no plot to speak of, yet lazily unfolds over two hours and thirty minutes….reruns of his ‘Dus Ka Dum’ episodes on Youtube are more likely to make you smile than this agonisingly boring film
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Critics Find Salman Khan’s Ready Intolerable added by SearchIndia.com on
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But, film opened to packed houses all over India.
http://www.boxofficeindia.com/boxnewsdetail.php?page=shownews&articleid=2949&nCat=box_office_news
http://www.boxofficeindia.com/boxnewsdetail.php?page=shownews&articleid=2951&nCat=box_office_news
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Of course, in Incredible India crap always finds lot of takers. 🙁
“Of course, in Incredible India crap always finds lot of takers”
Just like Amazing America, where shit like Twilight gets lots of takers. 😉
SearchIndia.com Responds:
True.
Finally somewhere on internet I find some sanity on some site which actually classifies shit as ….well… shit.
There can be entertainers which can be really entertaining rather than being brain dead.
How I wish movies like Jaane bhi do yaaro could be made today!! Just figure a few comments out on how people are becoming brain dead.. found these on rediff:
” salman khan is back” , “Ready – biggest block buster” , ” Its full paisa vasool, salman you are the hero of the masses”……….
I really thought a few years back the Indian audience is maturing with movies like ‘A wednesday’, ‘ Mumbai meri jaan’ and even ‘Aamir’…
But alas.. Salman is a star in true sense.. he has successfully kept the cinema zombies in indian audience alive…
off topic,jack kevorkian is dead…just wanted to let the world know
SearchIndia.com Responds::
Sad.
One of the few sane men in a depraved world. 🙁
Hope he takes his euthanasia to ‘heaven’ and rids us of all the ‘Gods’
speaking of gods,i was researching online and i was shocked to learn that 80% of the hindu temples in india ban whites altogether! gokarna,puri,bhubaneshwara,ranganath temple in vrundaban,all the ones in nepal and kerala,and two(at least) in pushkar as well as the lake by the brahmaji mundir(not to forget the brahma mundir itself)!
i have yet to see a christian church or a masjid or buddhist temple ban someone based on their race (muslims ban non muslims in medinah but allow white muslims and black muslims notably malcomb x) whereas hinduism seems that only ethnic indians,not even indonesian or malaysian hindus can get into jagnath puri….sad to see such racism.maybe aurangzeb should have lived a little longer,at least his masjid’s accommodate white people….starting to think allah is less racist than ranganathji (whose temple in vrundaban,as one would have it,is also off limits)
http://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUserReviews-g319729-d1204481-r109039106-Pushkar_Lake-Pushkar_Rajasthan.html
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ehecatl09/2087680445/
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. You write: speaking of gods,i was researching online and i was shocked to learn that 80% of the hindu temples in india ban whites altogether!
Even Ram can’t save you if you’re Black (as in African American) and try to enter an Indian temple
2. You write: starting to think allah is less racist than ranganathji
But you can draw Ranganathji’s cartoon and nobody will give a f*ck!
considering the fact that it was the muslims and the hindus themselves(yes you heard me right!) that were responsible for the destruction of krishna’s birthplace and many more mundirs,these people have a lot of explaining as to why non indians shouldnt be allowed in the mundirs. in fact,according to wendy doniger,more hindus than british destroyed mundirs!!read her latest book for more info,im on the last 5 chapters(it’s a loooooong book),
SearchIndia.com Responds:
And pray, why did Hindus destroy their temples?
Off-topic: According to wendy donigers book, the people back then, regardless of their religious beliefs,when they saw gold and other jewels,whether in a mundir in the local bar,they made the flames from hell rise and took everything they could find! Hindus are just as responsible as any british or mughal.
If you read about ramanuja or shankara or even chaitanya,you will hear ridiculously miraculous stories about how the jains were impaled by the thousands after some absurd trial by fire:once when the jains were debating with a hindu sage (im not sure exactly what sect although im almost certain it was a sri vaishnava) decided to challenge the jain acharya’s by saying”whosoever believes that their doctrine is true,throw your scriptures into the fire,if it doesnt burn,we will become your followers,if it does burn you will be impaled on stakes (sthuli’s)!” the jains accepted this and lost (of course the vaishnava acharya won) and they were subsequently impaled by the thousands! obviously there is no record of such an even taking place,but it goes to show you how much animosity there was BEFORE the muslims or christians set foot in india! im trying to show that there was just as much religious violence in the days of shankara as during the british raj
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Your opening sentence is about plain looting then without any religious context. So to say Hindus destroyed their temples makes no sense.
We’re inclined to believe Hinduism overall is less hostile to and killed far fewer antagonists compared to Islam or Christianity.
The history of Roman Catholic Church is punctuated with strong examples of barbarism, hedonism and in the 20th century gross indifference to slaughter of Jews in Europe and, of course, widespread pederasty that has brought many parishes to ruin (through subsequent lawsuits by victims).
Islam’s harsh treatment of non-adherents to the faith needs no elaboration.
After Buddhists and Jains, Hindus have overall likely caused the least harm to their fellow humans and embrace a live and let live attitude. Not that they don’t occasionally engage in horrendous violence (as in Gujarat).
Also, unlike the proselytizing efforts of Christians and Muslims in the Third World we haven’t come across large-scale groups of Hindus actively working to stir up conflict through proselytizing/evangelical activities.
All religion is garbage but some religions stink more than other religions!
@Tannsub: i cant find the words to describe the stupidity of the above comment by tansub………i read a story of how a buddhist master had visited the preta realms and was talking with a female preta,when he asked why she was so beautiful and had plenty of food for her only and her companions were so ugly and were starving to death and couldnt take food (they were tied to the legs of her throne chair) she replied “the people of jambhudwipa are too skeptical and blind,you’ll never believe me!” obviously that is true.whether or not you believe that this event happened is immaterial,the message is indisputable true…..
SI -> //Your opening sentence is about plain looting then without any religious context. So to say Hindus destroyed their temples makes no sense.
……….
All religion is garbage but some religions stink more than other religions!//
Naveen -> LIKE!
SearchIndia.com Responds:
As you probably recognized, it was borrowed from Orwell’s famous line All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others in Animal Farm.
http://www.thehindu.com/life-and-style/metroplus/article2073852.ece
Poacher is leading the Mumbai team…
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Too bad.
BTW, Golden Eagle Beer is worse than you indicated. Even after squeezing one full lime into it, it still smells and tastes awful. 🙁
We poured most of this ‘specially for export to USA’ beer down the sink.
Have you had a chance to get the iTunes album of I Hate Luv Storys? (Sonam,Imran, Music:Vishal/Shekhar). Brilliant songs. These guys sure are good musicians. Check out some of their other good albums if possible.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
If you promise not to tell anyone, we’ll tell you sotto voce that we purchased the title song I Hate Luv Storys (Vishal Dadlani) from iTunes a few months back.
Also, since I Hate Luv Storys is on Netflix Instant Play we keep watching snippets on our iPhone or on TV.
But this is strictly between us. We don’t want others to know that SI stoops so low as to watching I Hate Luv Storys snippets.
Of course, it has nothing to do with our current infatuation with that bubblehead Sonam. 😉
This would be my last request to review “V for Vendetta” 🙁
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Noted in our file.
The official is not in the chair and will take suitable action as soon as he/she/it returns to the chair.
Isn’t that how Indian bureaucrats talk? 😉
V doesn’t like bureaucrats talk, would like to discuss things out.. rent ‘V for Vendetta’ and talk to V.. you may like it.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
V next on list.