With our hearts in our mouth, we gingerly stepped into a theater on the East Coast to watch the first show of Dum Maro Dum.

Given Abhishek Bachchan’s pitiful record at delivering entertainers, our caution and hesitation was understandable.

Except for us, the 106-seat theater for the opening show of Dum Maaro Dum (directed by Rohan Sippy) was empty.

With fries from Five Guys in hand, we sat and prayed for a miracle.

Alas, after sitting through a 2-hours and 10-minute ordeal we regret to say that this time too Abhishek Bachchan has delivered a dud.

The Verdict

Folks, Dum Maaro Dum is utter Garbage with little to recommend it.

Dum Maaro Dum fails on every front.

The story is disgustingly incoherent, the acting sophomoric, the music intolerable, the item number awful and the overall effect plain trashy.

Touted as a cop movie but in reality a crappy movie, Dum Maaro Dum is set against the backdrop of the drugs business in the Western Indian state of Goa with Abhishek Bachchan playing a cop taking on the kingpins of the drug trade, both Indian and foreign.

There are two other intersecting stories here. The first that of a musician whose girl-friend is trapped in the drug trade; and the second of a 17-year-old boy who’s got caught while trying to be a mule (carrier of drugs).

But the overall story is so bizarrely illogical and silly that it provides no joy to the paying audience.

Most of the time, the Special Narcotics team set up by the Chief Minister to clean up Goa of the drug menace comprise of just three cops strutting around like cocks that have just laid the hens, sitting around drinking or bashing up people to ear-splitting sounds.

Hell, even the main characters in the film have weird names like Samosa oops Barbosa, Biscuit, Jokie, Lorry and Mercy.

No, Mercy is not a girl but a male cop who’s forever whining ‘Shit Job‘, each time Abhishek’s character of  the Assistant Commissioner of Police Vishnu Kamat assigns him a task.

Shit Job actually applies to everyone associated with the making of this junk.

Horrid Acting

Abhishek Bachchan is as bad as ever.

The bloke still thinks putting on a frown or scowl, or occasionally grinning like a retard, is the acme of acting.

In the few romantic scenes in the car, Abhishek disappoints; in the fight scenes, Abhishek is a misfit. As a cop, Abhishek acts like a havildar.

Abhishek Bachchan suffers from two serious problems: First, he lacks screen presence for the role of a hero and second, he’s completely lacking in acting talent. Even God can’t help with screen presence and Abhishek is too lazy to bone up on the basics of acting.

Sadly, the three other Bollywood actors who pack worse acting skills than even Abhishek are all in this film. And they are, yes, you guessed right, Rana Daggubati, Bipasha Basu and Aditya Pancholi.

Prateik Babbar is tolerable in the beginning but after he’s nabbed by the cops we find him with a single expression pasted on his face.

Lousy Item Number

We didn’t think much of the much ballyhooed Mit Jaaye Gham item number featuring Deepika Padukone doing a bad imitation of dancing in an itsy-bitsy skirt.

Just in case you didn’t know, the song and the title of this movie are both inspired from the famous Dum Maaro Dum track in Dev Anand’s 1971 hippies film Hare Rama Hare Krishna (starring Zeenat Aman and Dev Anand).

While Zeenat Aman oozed class and was at her seductive best in the old song, Deepika Padukone has none of the grace of Zeenie baby and can manage only a crass, graceless, ugly, godawful performance.

Fuggedaboutit

Guys, unless you possess a desperate craving to punish yourself stay away from Dum Maaro Dum.

Just not worth your time or money.

Related Stories:
Poor Response to Dum Maro Dum
Critics Say Dum Maro Dum is Garbage

  Abhishek Bachchan, Dum Maaro Dum, Rana Daggupati