Uthamaputhiran is not so much a movie as a total descent into depravity.

A dystopian nightmare for those sitting through this infernal nonsense.

Written by a jackass answering to the shout of Gopimohan, directed by a bozo named Mithran Jawahar and featuring Rajinikanth’s hideous cartoon of a son-in-law Dhanush in the lead role, Uthamaputhiran is the remake of the Telugu blockbuster Ready.

Armageddon Coming

That movies of this trashy ilk should even be made (Telugu), remade (Tamil) and currently being remade again (Ready, the Hindi version) is perhaps a divine signal that Armageddon is nigh upon us.

In any other country in the world such trash wouldn’t even make it to DVDs. But in an unmistakable sign that Indian audiences are more simian than human such garbage turn into blockbusters (the Telugu version).

Even by the horrendously bad standards of Tamil movies,  Uthamaputhiran’s story is bizarre nonsense.

We have a young man Shiva (Dhanush), whose raison d’etre seems to be help people escape from inconvenient arranged marriages.

During one of his good Samaritan acts that involve kidnapping the bride, Shiva and his buddies accidentally land up in the wrong marriage hall and unwittingly kidnap the wrong bride. Although Shiva and his friends are aghast over their mistake, the bride (Genelia D’Souza) herself, once she wakes up from her drug-induced unconscious state, is elated.

Apparently, this bride too was most unhappy about the marriage she was being coerced into by scheming relatives aspiring to her riches.

Before long, she has managed to elude the pursuers hot on her heels and is firmly ensconced in Shiva’s house with the aid of a few lies.  Soon, the girl has endeared herself to all at her new home. Meanwhile, Shiva himself is persona non grata at his house for helping his cousin flee from her marriage sometime earlier.

If you think the story is utter balderdash so far, it gets 100x worse over the next 2 hours thanks to two warring brothers (Pooja’s evil uncles) and the antics of an auditor Emotional Ekambaran (Vivek).

Wait, it gets worse. Infinitely worse.

School teachers get whipped by their young charges’ henchmen for daring to correct a mistake, the family’s honor and prestige is proclaimed to be in their kudmis (unique tuft-style, small pony-tail) of the men, non-existent U.S. billionaires Washington Vetrivel and his brother Chicago Sakthivel land in India looking for grooms for their non-existent daughters, people maintain personal accounts at the World Bank and such assorted nonsense are par for the course from this movie crap-show.

And then we have our Emotional Ekambaram muttering profundities like:

The confusion of the constitution of the institution of the loose motion.

We swear on all our readers that Vivek indeed mouths such a dialog in the film.

Exile Dhanush

Dhanush is not made for movies.

The scrawny fella has neither the talent nor the screen presence. We recoiled in horror at seeing this podi paiya (puny chap) repeatedly make mincemeat of his larger foes, sometimes as many as three of them simultaneously.

Mercifully, the Carpenter’s Dream Genelia doesn’t do much damage but the vivacious gal didn’t add anything to the movie either.

Vivek evoked our complete sympathy for a ridiculous role that requires him to repeatedly get abused physically and verbally by his employers and their school-going children and overall behave like a blithering idiot anytime he’s on the screen.

It’s not music as much as more trash heaped on the heads of the poor viewers.

Bottom line, Uthamaputhiran is a movie made by imbeciles and for imbeciles.

If any of you think there’s an atom of gray matter in your head, stay away from this hellishly ugly film.

Guys, lift your middle finger as high as possible to such grotesque perversions as Uthamaputhiran.

  Dhanush, Genelia, Uthamaputhiran