Sometimes even we do the dumbest things.

Like, for instance, not watching Red for a whole  eight days after its release.

Well, we made amends for our ill-conceived inaction during our visit to New York City the other day by hotfooting over to Regal E-Walk Cinema on 42nd St (between 7th Ave & 8th Ave) near Times Square and watching the movie.

And, boy, what a wildly implausible entertainer Red turned out to be.

Ensemble Cast
You got to ask yourself the rhetorical question – With an ensemble cast of Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren and John Malkovich can Red be anything but entertaining.

Hell, it’d be an act of gross dereliction on our part not to mention Mary-Louise Parker and Karl Urban although they are not names you schmucks (particularly the ones living in India) would recognize.

Action-Comedy Plot
Red falls in what you might call the action-comedy genre.

Lots of bang-bang gun fights and fireballs every couple of minutes interspersed with hilarious lines and scenes.

Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Helen ‘Queen’ Mirren and John Malkovich are a bunch of spooks. To be precise, Retired and Extremely Dangerous spooks (so, now you schmucks know where the title of the  movie comes from).

Retired they may be and settled into dull and dreary lives after all the excitement of their past lives, but they still are not a bunch to be trifled with as several bad guys realize through the course of this fast-paced movie.

The romance angle is provided by Sarah (Mary-Louise Parker), a desperate-for-adventure-and-excitement pension services employee at Kansas who is repeatedly called by one of our retirees Frank Moses (Bruce Willis) on the false ground that he hasn’t received his monthly pension check.

The fireworks get going when a bunch of bad guys, really bad fella with heavy artillery  invade Moses’ house and disturb his placid existence.

Of course, the intent is to kill Moses. Well, even you nincompoops can guess who ends up on the floor, right?

Flummoxed as to who might want to take him out, Moses (with a kidnapped and angry Sarah now in tow) enlists the support of his retired pals, the terminally ill Joe Matheson (Morgan Freeman) who’s living in a hospice and gets his jollies by gazing at the nurses’ backsides, the wildly paranoid conspiracy theorist (John Malkovich) forever expecting bad things to happen very soon and Victoria (Helen Mirren).

We’ve forgotten what Victoria does in retirement. Now, don’t you fellas bother us with mundane questions. Suffice to say Vicky is a mean one with the heavy sub-machine gun.

Before long, the RED folks get out their stashed-away heavy artillery and the bullets are flying as they thwart the attempts of the ambitious and suave CIA agent William Cooper (Karl Urban) to nab Moses.

Soon, we realize a high-level conspiracy is afoot that has its roots in an old operation in Guatemala and reaches all the way to the White House (well, almost).

Must-Watch, Folks
Sure, the movie is wildly, wildly implausible but that doesn’t make it any less entertaining and endearing.

In any case, if there’s one group conditioned to implausible albeit horrible movies it’s Indians with their asinine Hindi and Tamil and Telugu movies.

In Red, all the characters play their parts to delightful perfection. Really.

No dull moments here. Not one nanosecond.

Although it was the ninth day (the movie released on Oct. 15, 2010), there were more than 30 people, maybe even 45, in the cavernous hall at Regal E-Walk on Saturday afternoon.

Shows the movie is still resonating with audiences and has lots of life left in it.

Red is playing all across the U.S.

Don’t even hesitate. Screw the desi movie this weekend and head straight to the theater.

And if you don’t like the movie, we’ll refund your ticket money (if you schmucks believe that promise, then you are dumber than we give y’all (dis)credit for.) 😉

By the way, just in case you guys are curious, Red is directed by German director Robert Schwentke.