How would you feel if your lovely, blouse-filling, luscious, thunder-thighs wife was gang-banged by a punch of Paki punks and abandoned on the border with bite-marks, scratches and what not.

Your wifey won’t be a pretty sight after the ordeal and betcha you won’t feel the same hardon for her ever after, right? 🙁

Ditto with the iPhone.

Once it falls on a hard surface, your pretty wife iPhone won’t look pretty anymore and your schlong won’t rise at the sight of the once-sleek, now-soiled device.

The glass could crack, the sides might get dented or, worst case scenario, the device may even stop working.

Accidents Happen
However careful you are, accidents are a reality of life and, horror of horrors, your precious new iPhone 4 baby can slip out of your hands, its pristine beauty marred forvever.

Our older model iPhone 3G slipped from our hands a few times. Even with a decent leather case, much to our distress the edges got scratched when it fell on the road.

Front (left) and with clip (right)

This time, i.e. with the iPhone 4, we were determined not to let scratches and dents disturb our sangfroid.

So we did the sensible thing and researched a bunch of cases on a Mac products web site, where the hardcore Apple fanboys congregate at the online water-cooler.

What we found was that the cognoscenti had their eyes only on two cases – Ballistic and Otterbox. Not for them, the mere bumpers or other such effete condoms.

While both cases are rugged, the $49.99 Ballistic HC seemed much superior to Otterbox in the protection it provides for the delicate iPhone.

So we plumped for the Ballistic

Short Supply
Although we’d set our minds on the Ballistic HC case, to our chagrin it was in short supply. Not available at Amazon and not available at the Ballistic web site too.

We kept checking and checking for several days but with no luck until we hit pay-dirt in the wee hours of August 12 on the Ballistic web site.

Pronto, we ordered the Ballistic HC case around 1AM ET August 12 and received it via the U.S. Postal Service two days later.

Ultimate Condom for iPhone 4
The case came nicely wrapped in a white box with clear instructions (not needed unless you are a schmuck).

There are four components to the Ballistic HC case. You don’t have to use all of them but we recommend you do. Would you let your wife roam around without a brasserie just because it’s optional attire? 😉

The bottom piece in which your iPhone sits is a rugged piece of plastic with openings for the camera, headphone, buzz-mode switch, speakers at the bottom, charging slot and rubber buttons for on/off and volume control.

We tested them all and they work fine and the bottom portion is a snug fit for the iPhone. The bottom piece also has elevations on the corners and the sides that act as shock-absorbers for the iPhone should it perchance fall down.

Once you’ve set the iPhone 4 in the bottom case, place the Ballistic HC’s upper piece with the built-in screen protector on top and push it in gently until you hear the click sound at both bottom and top.

The sides of the top piece are raised above the screen and comes with openings for the ear-speaker, front-camera and a button for the home screen.

At this point, we felt the strong urge to drop the iPhone on the floor just to test the strength of the Ballistic HC case but resisted the impulse.

One thing we can tell you is that the case sure looked robust enough to take a few knocks without endangering the precious iPhone nestled inside.

One Problem
There’s one issue with the Ballistic’s built-in screen protector – Watermarks/oil-slicks appear on the screen.

Several times, we disassembled the case and put it back but, sorry, there’s no getting away from this watermark/oil slick issue.

While it’s not a serious problem even while watching videos like ABC News, you can see it when you hold the iPhone at some  angles and particularly when the device is in sleep mode.

Some folks have said that putting a regular screen protector on the iPhone prevents the watermark from appearing. Maybe, we’ll try it one of these days with the screen protector we purchased from Amazon for $10.

Mallika Sherawat Around Shriya Saran
Hold on, there are two more pieces to the Ballistic HC, both optional.

The third piece is a smooth black rubber bumper like thing that goes around the device and completely covers the sides and back. While we’ve yet to run our palms around the well-sculpted exteriors of Shriya Saran or Mallika Sherawat, we’re inclined to believe this Ballistic HC black bumper piece is as soft and as smooth as the skin of our Bollywood sirens.

The black rubber bumper has elevations on the side that act as shock-absorbers in falls and has covers for charger, earpiece and buzz-mode switch.

The fourth piece is a holster to attach the iPhone 4 to your belt.

Once you add the plastic holster too, the case looks gigantic like a voluptuous Mallika Sherawat exterior grafted on your dainty Shriya Saran-like wife. 😉

With the bottom and top pieces, the black bumper and the holster attached, your iPhone 4 is big but by no means ugly. Kinda like gifting 34B wifey a bountiful 38D. 😉

But hey the whole shebang works. And works well too.

When you put the holster, ensure that the front of the iPhone faces inside. You cannot answer calls with the holster unless you are wearing a earpiece. No, you can’t make calls with the holster on.

With the holster on, it’s hard to imagine the screen cracking or the sides getting dented even if your iPhone should tumble on a very hard surface.

While the black rubber bumper and plastic holster are optional, we again strongly recommend you keep them on.

Go for It
We haven’t wantonly hurled our Ballistic HC enclosed iPhone at the wall or dropped it on concrete but we do know that should such a mishap happen our babe’s delicate assets are well protected from the gang-bangers.

Folks, unless you can prove otherwise, the $49.99 Ballistic HC is the ultimate case for your new iPhone 4.

  iphone