Of all the Bollywood movies we’ve watched in 2009, De Dana Dan is easily the most boring, sickening, crappy piece of shit.
Folks, there was not a single moment of respite in the 2 hours and 40-minutes we spent in the dark hall of the AMC Empire theater on 42nd St (near Times Square) in New York City on Wednesday.
$6 down the drain. Total waste of time and money.
Should you dare to bestow the blessings of your time and money on this junk, a painful migraine will be your only reward.
There were all of seven or eight people for the first show (10:25AM) of De Dana Dan at the AMC Empire, the sparse crowd perhaps a reflection of the lack of enthusiasm and zero buzz for this Akshay Kumar, Sunil Shetty, Katrina Kaif et al movie.
Given that Akshay Kumar is the unrivalled Trash King of Bollywood these days, the small audience should have been no surprise.
Colossus of Nonsense
From the get-go, De Dana Dan misses no opportunity to lay bare its claim to fame as one of the low points of Bollywood this year.
The grand get-rich plan of two desperate, down at heel desis in Singapore, Nitin (Akshay Kumar) and Ram (Sunil Shetty), rests on kidnapping the dog belonging to a rich and greedy businesswoman (Archana Puran Singh).
Oh, if you really want to know Nitin is the driver and Man Friday of the greedy businesswoman while Ram is driver for a courier service van.
Director Priyadarshan, who is also responsible for the moronic screenplay, then throws in a bewidering array of characters and side stories to the dog-kidnap tale in a clumsy, hopeless attempt at salvaging this junk.
You have Nitin’s sweetheart Anjali (Katrina Kaif); Ram’s girlfriend Manpreet (Sameera Reddy); a failed, crooked businessman Chaddha Sr (Paresh Rawal); a contract killer Murari (Johnny Lever); a Don (Asrani), a hooker (Neha Dhupia), a hyper-priapic weirdo (Shakti Kapoor) and more.
But in the complete absence of comic scenes or hilarious dialogs, the end result of this dismal ensemble is endless tedium for the audience.
Notwithstanding what you may have heard or read, none of the characters or their antics are funny in the least. Just unceasingly boring and tiresome.
Oh well, Rajpal Yadav as the waiter was a bit funny but then his character is too insignificant.
Why Singapore had to be the setting for this drivel is a mystery.
Key Villains
The principal villains of De Dan Dan are the incomprehensibly fatuous story and unendurable screenplay.
Then there’s the mediocre acting.
Sunil Shetty is the antithesis of acting. How this bozo managed to bag a role in this movie is a question that can only be answered by producer Sunil Lulla.
Akshay Kumar is tolerable but the shoddy script leaves no room for any chance of entertainment.
Both Sameera Reddy and Katrina Kaif are pitiful and leave no mark whatsoever.
A most unimpressive abomination, Sameera Reddy with her horrid acting skills, her weird costume and stupid hairstyle seemed like a modern-day Lady Macbeth out to wreak her machinations on the audience.
Sheer Cacophony
As for the so-called music in the film, to spend any time on that cacophony in De Dana Dan would be to waste your time and ours.
There’s not one redeeming thing in this repellent farce of a movie.
Awful Finale
If the first 2 hours of De Dana Dan was awfully boring, the last 40 minutes was unendurable nonsense. Particularly after the suitcase-bomb blasts and a huge wave of water rushes into the hotel.
What was the necessity to drag that nonsense for 15 minutes?
They say that Kerala, the state De Dana Dan director Priyadarshan hails from, has 100% literacy. This retard Priyadarshan must surely be an exception.
Priyadarshan, Caput tuum in ano es (readers, if Latin is all Greek to you, the expression means you have your head up your ass).
Not Worth Watching
Guys, think not for a moment.
De Dana Dan begs you, implores you to show it the middle finger.
Do not even consider watching this garbage unless you have a desperate itch to squander your time and money.
Related Stories:
De Dana Dead at Box Office, Crashes 85%
Trash King Akshay Kumar’s De Dana Dud at Box Office
De Dana Dan Review – Beyond Pathetic Garbage added by SearchIndia.com on
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How did you even see the picture?
It is not even out yet. Are you watching pirated copies of the movies??
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Hello, wake up, schmuck.
De Dana Dan has had a wide release on the East Coast.
We watched it at AMC Empire on 42nd St in New York City (Times Square).
BTW, are you a complete retard? We clearly specified in the second para of the review where we watched the movie.
(Hall No-22, 6th floor of AMC Empire, if you want to know the details.)
Yes Nisha there are 4 shows playing.
If you want to see night show than better get there an hour early or catch the day show at 10 as hardly anyone catches a show that time.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
You write: If you want to see night show than better get there an hour early
An hour early for this junk? Ha ha ha ha.
De Dana Dan ain’t no Avatar.
this as usual is a remake of one of his malayalam movies …dont remember the name ….and its these kind of movies which are supposedly good malayalam movies …for which priyadarshan is great director …
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Really?
We thought they generally made decent movies in Malayalam.
We’ve seen quite a few movies by Priyadarshan. Just can’t fathom why he’s so highly regarded. 🙁
I guess you have seen and reviewed Hera-pheri.
You can watch Hungama, which is actually quite good fun.
Your bete-noire Rimi Sen has a small role in it.
There are many moments of genuine humour in Hungama.
Post Hungama (2003), Priyan started churning out rather bland and tacky comedies.
But boss, please watch (1) Golmaal and (2) Jo jeeta wohi Sikander and review them.
What Satya is to gangster movies, Golmaal is to comedy movies.
And JJWS, after 17 years, is as fresh a movie as daisy.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. You write: I guess you have seen and reviewed Hera-pheri….Post Hungama (2003), Priyan started churning out rather bland and tacky comedies.
Hera Pheri provided some laughs and was fairly enjoyable.
De Dana Dan is utter garbage.
2. Moved Golmaal to No-1 on our Netflix queue (we currently have Kandukondein Kandukondein and Di Se with us).
I guess Guruprasad is taking about Golmaal directed by Hrishikesh Mukherjee which has Amol Palekar in it. Another Golmaal is released recently is directed by Rohit Shetty (Director of All the Best) which has Ajay Devgan in it. Both are good.
You said you will write detailed review of Kandukondein Kandukondein. This movie is Indian adaptation of Sense and Sensibility by Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. Yes, Guruprasad is referring to the Old Golmaal.
2. Kandukondein Kandukondein review most likely today or latest tomorrow.
Well, Dil Se is a lot of convoluted stuff, although it is good in parts.
It was regarded in 1998 that Mani Rathnam did not make the movie Dimaag Se (he didnt use his brains while making Dil Se)
SearchIndia.com Responds:
You write: It was regarded in 1998 that Mani Rathnam did not make the movie Dimaag Se (he didnt use his brains while making Dil Se)
Funny.
i think u dont know anythin about movies, u just know to critice good movies,in india everyone is liking the movie,even some has wathced the movie twice in one day.
u can tolerate the shit piece movies of jim carry and his acting just because he is from hollywood, but u cant tolerate bollywood, so u r calling DE DANA DAN a pathetic garbage….it is the best of all comedy movies i have ever ssen in my life, what a chemistry among the hera pheri team…
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. You write: i think u dont know anythin about movies, u just know to critice good movies,in india everyone is liking the movie,even some has wathced the movie twice in one day.
Were didd yuo learnned to right succh wunderfool centences, man?
2. You write: in india everyone is liking the movie,even some has wathced the movie twice in one day
Mon dieu, are there no limits to your nonsense.
Surely some asylum in your neighborhood is one inmate short this evening.
3. You write: it is the best of all comedy movies i have ever ssen in my life
Better than the annual production of your loony bin?
4. You write: what a chemistry among the hera pheri team…
Kiddo, there is zero chemistry in De Dana Dan, only the stupid biology of the zombies populating this trash.
5. You write: u can tolerate the shit piece movies of jim carry (sic) and his acting just because he is from hollywood
Moron, you are unfit to carry the night-soil of Jim Carrey. Do not mention his name ever again.
can you give the review of kannada movie “gaalipata”
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Nodona (we’ll see).
Nodi swamy, Gaalipata DVD sigadhu kashta illi (hard to get hold of the DVD here).
Priyan cribbed that Hera Pheri 2 was badly made. Wonder how he would compare that one with this?
Do you think that this crime caper with morons and too many oddball characters confusion type genre has reached its logical end?
Sunil Shetty is one of those warm body actors with decent name recognition but no box office credibility, he’s probably in the movie probably because the producer was superstitious to think Akshay+Paresh+Sunil = Hera Pheri, when they did not watch the original in Malayalam or original remake in Tamil 🙂
SearchIndia.com Responds:
You write: Do you think that this crime caper with morons and too many oddball characters confusion type genre has reached its logical end?
You underestimate the stupidity of an Indian film director only at your peril. 😉
I agree with chakraveer…. You dont know much about movies.. 90% of times I have seen you criticizing Indian movies.. And also why do you take things personally? You always make a point to reply the person who doesnt agree with you in the harshest English vocabulary anyone can think of..
After reading your blogs for sometime, I can definitely credit you that you have an awesome vocabulary or replying someone back in a negative sense. No one can match you in that.. But I am sorry to say that you have no appreciation or well wishes for anything and your knowledge engulfs itself in just negativity.
I know you will read my entire two above paras and break them into 4-5 points and blast out at me… Go ahead… waiting for your reply… If you want next time I can start replying you in 4-5 points as you like so you dont have to separate them, you can reply me directly…
SearchIndia.com Responds:
People complain that we turn the other cheek far too often. Are you sure you haven’t mistaken us for someone else, sweetie-pie? Let’s all be honest (at least for once, eh) – most Indian movies are garbage. To make you happy, this time we didn’t split our response into four or five points. Happy? 😉
Well…I love the way who express or criticize things.
But I would like to say one thing. There is a way too mch difference between Hindi movie and English movie. While watching an english movie, the Director knows that I am talking to an intellectual person but bollywood movie director make movies for AAM-JANTA. So you need to leave your mind behind.
You can’t expect a man earning Rs 3000 a month and think like you. Perhps you shouldn’t watch such movie coz these movies are for TAPORI’s who can leave their mind at home and can enjot the movie at the best.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. You write: bollywood movie director make movies for AAM-JANTA. So you need to leave your mind behind.
Bravo, What excellent advice.
Hindi movie-goers must take only their wallets and leave their minds behind.
2. You write: While watching an english movie, the Director knows that I am talking to an intellectual person but bollywood movie director make movies for AAM-JANTA
Ah, we see. English movies are for intellectuals and Hindi movies for schmucks. Thank you so much for dropping that pearl of wisdom.
3. You write: Perhps (sic) you shouldn’t watch such movie coz these movies
BTW, what’s your next bit of advice for us?
Are we permitted to have dinner tonight?
4. You write: But I would like to say one thing.
Just one thing?
Please do not be parsimonious with the cornucopia of your imaginative ideas, sir.
Well….I may not be a smart-a** like you but I am fine. May God bless you so you can spend your money on the movie which is tailor made for you!
PS: I saw most of the theater people LOL’d during the movie including me and thanks and no thanks for your review. See you in some other matter.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. You write above: I saw most of the theater people LOL’d during the movie including me
Blessed are those who can peer into their inner-selves.
2. You write: but I am fine
The Lord be praised.
Guess, our prayers on your behalf have not been in vain.
hey..i just saw de dana dan today..u r totally right..it was a noisy piece of crap. all the male actors were jumping around..and katrina kaif..i have never seen her change..it’s the same in every movie!
I am running out of luck with good movies lately – the last movie i saw was kanden kadhalai. I had seen a response for a comment from you that you are not going to review kanden kadhalai. GOOD CALL! may god bless you! pathetic acting – and direction. the worst part was, the director on an interview was saying ‘this is very very different from the hindi movie’ (when every dialogue was the same).
Anyway..thanks for the review – unfortunately i read this only after watching the piece of shit.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
You write: i just saw de dana dan today..u r totally right..it was a noisy piece of crap….unfortunately i read this only after watching the piece of shit.
We feel your pain.
De Dana Dan is completely worth missing.
Check this out – http://www.thevigilidiot.com/2009/11/28/de-dana-dan/
SearchIndia.com Responds:
The reviewer is too kind.
yoh… easy buddy…the guy made a movie with a lot of effort…and i sure appreciate his creativity…dont trash him and stick em up the wall….dont be a crybaby for 6 fking $$ and 2 hr 40 min of ur time (wonder wat u wud hv done)
“”There were all of seven or eight people for the first show (10:25AM) of De Dana Dan at the AMC Empire””—> who the hell askd you to watch his movie first show first day, u sure hv a crush on him but like to talk to shit abt him ….don’t ya ??? keep it coming babe..
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. You write: the guy made a movie with a lot of effort…and i sure appreciate his creativity
It sure doesn’t look like any effort or creativity went into this garbage.
2. You write: who the hell askd you to watch his movie first show first day, u sure hv a crush on him but like to talk to shit abt him
No, we don’t have a crush on any one. Except maybe ourselves. 😉
Important: We accidentally deleted two user registrations, one of which was yours. We apologize. You may register under the same name/password or pick a different user name/password. Once again, our apologies to you.
hi
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Your previous comment has been processed. We work on Eastern Time..hence the delay in getting to your comment.
I made a phonecall to one of my friends and I was told that the movie was a good comedy. I loved Hera Pheri , Golmaal, Even All the Best.. All of these were great comedy movies.
Well.. I ended up watching De Dana Dan during the weekend. My friend couldnt tolerate the movie after about 1 hour so he went to bed. I watched the movie for another hour and thought that the movie will(maybe?) make sense towards the end. I left it as I started getting a headache and felt like I was drunk and dizzy.
Next day:
Me and my friend started the movie where I had left. About 40 minutes later the movie finally ended. We looked at each other with a questioned expression. We can never get the 3 hours of our life that we lost watching this movie!!! There should be a punishment for directors who make such movies and should be charged for mental harrassment and torcher.
Was this a movie?? No it was a mumbo jumbo of some actors who tried too damn hard to make others laugh. I can only sympathize with anyone who went all the way to the theatre with no access to pause, stop and fwd buttons and having this pathetic crappy load torcher you in darkness.
I totally agree with the reviewer of this movie at top of the web page.
Enough said. Grab a painkiller if you still want to torcher yourself and bring the economy to recovery state by spending money on the ticket and the popcorn. Yeah.. now that is the only one thing which you really can enjoy.. popcorn!
I will repeat. It is not a movie.. it is a torcher!! Did I tell you it was a torcher?? Torcher! it is
T – O – R – C – H – E – R. That is how you spell it!
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. You write: I will repeat. It is not a movie.. it is a torcher!! Did I tell you it was a torcher?? Torcher! it is
T – O – R – C – H – E – R. That is how you spell it!
What is your English teacher’s name?
Somebody should torch her. 😉
2. You write: I totally agree with the reviewer of this movie at top of the web page.
We’ll convey your sentiments to that torcherer.
3. We enjoyed Hera Pheri and All the Best.
“torch her” – funny – reminds me of this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyNhCfshBnw#t=2m03s
not sure why Metallica has left this song online.
hey, don’t hassle the torchee.. he/she is drunk and dizzy, remember?
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Our favorite lines from the above song: 😉
hmm…I’m so sick of these stupid akshay-priyadarshan comedies!!
anywayz…on an off note…have u seen vishal bharadwaj’s Maqbool?? Its an adaptation of Macbeth and stars all of ur favourite actors : Tabu, Irrfan Khan, Pankaj Kapoor, Nasseruddin shah, Om Puri…I think u will like it…please do watch and review it one of these days! 🙂
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. Haven’t seen Maqbool.
Since we’re in a Tabulicious mood these days, we’ll watch it soon if it’s available at Netflix.
2. You write: I’m so sick of these stupid akshay-priyadarshan comedies!!
You and a billion others.
We have a hard time accepting that this fella is not an utter imbecile as far as movies go.
Hehehe at Torcher 😉
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Just back from our Pravarakyudu misadventure – Pravarakyudu Review – Not a Movie, An Abomination. 🙁