If lightning were to flatten Angeethi Indian restaurant in Herndon to the ground today, we dare say the commonwealth of Virginia would be better off without this shameless impostor.

A restaurant that dares to serve spoiled Sambar to diners and doesn’t know how to make the humble Channa Batura has no business being in the food business. Maybe a different line of business like running a piggery or cleaning sewer pipes.

But let’s leave the Indian food business to the folks who know it best.

Given our inordinate and insatiable passion for Indian food, we seldom regret a visit to an Indian restaurant. But till breath exists in our bodies, we’ll rue the time and money spent on these Angeethi charlatans.

Located on Elden Street in Herndon (Virginia), Angeethi is a spacious restaurant divided into two sections.

We found the bathrooms clean and service pleasing.

Alas, it’s all marred by the poor quality of food this restaurant dishes out.

Tandoori Chicken was a dry, hard mess that tasted as if it were prepared when dinosaurs still roamed the planet.

Chicken Curry was a spiceless travesty, seemingly churned out in a hurry by a wannabe cook reading from a dowloaded version of How to make Chicken Curry in 15 seconds Flat.

On the meat side, the only relief came from the Goat Curry, which mercifully had made some passing contact with a spice bowl.

If you thought these Angeethi fiends had something only against the carnivores, you’d be so wrong.

Whether it was the flavorless Mustani Palak, bland Tofu Masala, salty Cabbage Curry or the unimpressive Kadhi Pakora, it seemed as if a bunch of sadists were hard at work trying to inflict maximum pain on unsuspecting diners.

The silver lining for herbivores was the Vegetable Biryani, so flavorful on its own that it did not require any accompaniment curry or Raitha on the side.

Our Cup of Woes Overfloweth
Besides the cardinal sin of serving spoiled Sambar, what upset us the most was the beyond redemption Channa Batura.

While the Channa was alright, the Batura was simply awful. Most likely, the dough had fermented too much and naturellement the Batura tasted horribly sour and, by the way, was also too hard.

When you add in the hard and cold Naan bread and Alu Paratha, the insipid Paneer Pakoras and the various other missteps, you’d be forgiven for wondering what raison d’etre Angeethi could possibly have.

The short answer – Little or none.

Sure, we did stop at an oasis here and there but the journey overall was through unyielding terrain.

Jal Jeera drink was pleasant but the watery Chocolate and Mango Shakes had no business being offered to any living beings let alone human beings.

As for Angeethi’s tepid, stale-tasting Masala Chai, never has such vile bilge touched our lips. God forbid it should again.

Desserts provided no solace either. By this time, we convinced ourselves that we were really here not to savor fine Indian cuisine but to participate in an endurance trial.

Neither Gajar Halwa nor Rice Pudding had much merit. Rice Pudding was low on sugar, a common failing at other Indian restaurants that we’ve frequented. Gajar Halwa here did not have the raw taste of carrots common at most India restaurants but it was nothing to write home about either.

Ah, the Chutzpah
The audacity of these Angeethi buffoons is limitless.

These morons not only can’t make some of the most basic Indian food but the bozos dare to use the tag line Authentic Indian Cuisine. Talk of chutzpah.

How do you make sense of a trashy wannabe Indian restaurant like Angeethi? It’s hard to think of any justification save that the kitchen is manned by chimps and the management by asses focused on the cash register alone.

If fine Indian food is what you hanker for in Virginia, surely there are better alternatives like Saravana Palace and Minerva.

While the food at Angeethi was mediocre, the service was mostly polite, pleasing and prompt.

Our waiter even smiled at us, a rarity at Indian restaurants in the U.S.

What a pity Angeethi’s dining room is so badly let down by its kitchen.