Garbage Returns!

Now, that would be the most apt title for this latest Bollywood atrocity to hit U.S. screens.

Singham Returns is the second film in the Singham franchise.

And if you ask me, the new one is as loathsome as its predecessor.

Garbage Returns

No amount of opprobrium can be too much for a movie where, defying the state Chief Minister, the entire Mumbai City police force including the Commissioner remove their shirts, quit their jobs, and led by our Deputy Commisioner hero march en masse to the villain’s house, beat him and his accomplices to pulp, arrest them (hey, didn’t the cops quit their jobs 10-minutes earlier?) and haul the criminal asses to the police station.

Oh, I almost forgot. After beating the two villains black and blue, our DCP hero shoots them on their buttocks. (Why buttocks? Why not the feet or hand? I have no clue but my gut feel is that in real life our hero has a penchant for peeche lena-dena! Remind me to check with Kajol.)

And for these bizarre antics worthy of a trip to the loony bin, the Mumbai Police force is let off with literally a wink and a warning by the Chief Minister.

Such is the infernal nonsense liberally strewn throughout this mind-numbing insanity that comes to us courtesy of that talentless bozo Rohit Shetty who has the chutzpah to claim he’s director and writer of his latest direction-less piece of shit.

Folks, the best that can be said about Garbage Returns is that it’s hideously awful some of the time and horribly revolting the rest of the time.

If the film’s hero and producer Ajay Devgan’s goal was to cast a shining light on the Mumbai City Police, he achieved the opposite by making them look like an out of control band of simian thugs with all screws loose.

Tiresome Retread

Garbage Returns is a retread of the beaten to death plot of an honest and daring police officer single-handedly taking on the corrupt Indian political system.

This theme has been flogged to death in a thousand movies including by Bollywood copycats.

Yet Ajay Devgan and director Rohit Shetty borrow this hackneyed plot and drive a stake into our brains.

Our protagonist, Mumbai Deputy Commissioner of Police Bajirao Singham (Ajay Devgan) is forever throwing his arms and legs, smashing one, two, three and occasionally even a dozen armed thugs to pulp, sending them flying into walls, shoving them into windshields of cars, shooting them front and back or thrusting them into the ground by leaping on their heads.

All of it accompanied by deafening noise orchestrated by Satan and his troupe.

This time the villains are a crooked Swamiji (Amole Gupta) and his politician comrade Prakash Rao (Zakir Hussain).

A cartoonish, caricature of a Hindi film villain from the 1960s and 1970s, Amole Gupta behaves like a modern-day Hanuman whose vestigial tail has been set on fire.

I have it on reliable authority that the next version of the venerable Oxford English Dictionary will illustrate the expression Over the top by referring to Amole Gupta’s grotesque performance in Singham Returns.

The entire movie rests on the fig leaf story of Bajirao Singham’s confrontations with Swamiji over his black deeds.

BTW, the bridge pictures reminded me of the popular Danish TV series Broen.

Ill-Fitting Romance

Awful as the rest of Garbage Returns is, it gets worse with the introduction of an ill-fitting romance angle by way of the freak Kareena Kapoor.

Yeah, she with her swollen cheeks, clumsy gait and classless demeanor. I always thought Chote Nawab had taste. Until he married this graceless, talentless creature.

Kareena plays Ajay Devgan’s love interest and it took an extraordinary effort to restrain myself from flinging my shoes on the screen over her zany antics. Sick as this creature is in the acting department, the story makes her out to be an idiot with a gargantuan appetite.

Watching Kareena’s Aata Majhi Satakli item number post-ending is the easiest way to induce vomit.

Ajay Devgan was so lifeless and completely ill at ease throughout the Kuch Toh Hua Hai song.

Chutiyas – Go for It

Terrible as Bollywood has always been, it’s now hit the nadir with its embrace of South Indian movies. As anyone familiar with South India knows, that’s the last piece of land where Neanderthals still roam around. Art, class, culture and quality films are the last things you can expect from Neanderthals.

Singham Returns and its predecessor Singham are inspired by the Tamil dung-pile Singam and Singam 2.

Since the defining characteristic of Indians is a complete absence of class or any notion of artistic taste, Singham Returns is bound to strike a rich chord with these simians.

SearchIndia.com strongly recommends Singham Returns to all ye Chutiyas.

After all, this is exactly the kind of stinking offal you chimps love to feast on.

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  Ajay Devgn