Dostana Plunges 66% at Box Office
Ugly Dostana – So-So at Box Office
Can someone quickly hand us a long piece of rope so that we may hang Abhishek Bachchan, John Abraham and Priyanka Chopra together on the nearest tree and spare millions of Bollywood fans further agony from this troika’s simian antics on the screen. Oops, we almost forgot to tighten the noose around the neck of the worst actor in the Milky Way – who else but Buffoon Deol a.k.a. Bobby Deol, who makes a brief appearance in this horror of a flick.
So buddy, make sure the rope is long and strong to hold this quartet high up in the air.
And if we have some extra length left, we’ll hoist Dostana director Tarun Mansukhani and producer Karan ‘pansy’ Johar as well for inflicting this agony upon Bollywood fans.
By god, it’ll be a long time before we can purge our eyes and ears of this horrific nonsense masquerading as a movie.
Chuck & Larry vs Sam & Kunal
We’ve watched I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, which notwithstanding the ugly reviews, we pronounce entertaining and a hilarious riot.
But Dostana is ugly from the getgo.
You build a story carefully, one scene at a time as they do in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.
Two longtime Brooklyn firemen and buddies (Adam Sandler and Kevin James) pretend to be gay because the widower James is confronted with the bureaucratic hassle of naming a beneficiary on his pension form.
But in Dostana two almost strangers Sameer (Abhishek Bachchan plays a male nurse) and Kunal (John Abraham is a photographer) living in Miami suddenly decide to put on the gay act because a lady won’t rent an apartment to two guys because her niece Neha (Priyanka Chopra) is living in the third room.
Such is the garbage heaped on you in Dostana, dear friend. Nothing makes sense in Dostana even in a weird way.
The home inspection scene that was handled so beautifully in I Now pronounce You Chuck and Larry becomes repellingly clownish at the hands of Tarun Mansukhani. Horror of horrors, the immigration inspector is even dancing along with these two clowns (you know who).
Ah, the injustices of life. After watching that vision Jessica Biel in I Now pronounce You Chuck and Larry, we have to endure this whacko Priyanka Chopra in Dostana.
When you reach the denouement of the kissing scene in I Now pronounce You Chuck and Larry, it was at the end of an entertaining journey. In Dostana, the Abhishek-John kissing moment comes at the end of a tedious ordeal.
If you think the first half of Dostana is bad, the latter half gets nauseatingly awful as John Abraham and Abhishek Bachchan engage in one silly prank after another to separate Bobby Deol and Priyanka Chopra.
And the author of this most grotesque story and inept screenplay is none other than mis-director Tarun Mansukhani himself.
Bad-Ass Acting
When Abhishek Bachchan spins a yarn on how he first met his gay partner John Abraham in Venice, we wished the earth would open up and swallow this Bollywood freak.
Mon Dieu, this Abhishek Bachchan guy is a bad actor. Did we say, hideously bad. Yes.
In several crucial scenes, this duffer looks like he’s got all the brains sucked out of his head. Like when his mother (Kirron Kher) lands up in Miami after accidentally learning her son is gay or when he’s trying to tell Priyanka Chopra of his love for her in the clothes store. Flat performance. Just like his biwi.
As for John Abraham, the fella is good only for those briefs ads…you know where they show only the bottom half of the torso with a bulging crotch.
John Abraham makes Abhishek Bachchan look like a combination of Marlon Brando, Jack Nicholson and Robert Redford. Even in a supposed-to-be-funny scene like when Kirron Kher does the aarti for him, this John Abraham mass of flesh can’t emote. Sad.
Like that old hag Shilpa Shetty (who appears here briefly in brief clothes), Priyanka Chopra looks bad enough when clothed. Putting a bikini or other skimpy attire on this nature’s mistake is torture for viewers.
With the front of her shimmering sari tucked between her boobies, a backless blouse exposing her back, the sari tucked way below her navel and dancing like a trollop, Priyanka Chopra looked cheaper than the cheapest slut and uglier than the ugliest tramp in the Desi Girl song.
Kirron Kher overacts like she’s desperate to receive her fat paycheck and vanish from the scene while Boman Irani’s role was poorly fleshed out.
Nice Moments
Truth be said, there were a few scenes that had us in splits – when Kirron Kher gives her bangles to John Abraham and talks to him about the importance of observing Karva Chauth. Or when Abhishek talks about Gabbar Singh of Sholay fame being gay.
Dostana’s music is not bad but their hellishly bad picturization make it seem like the devil’s own tunes were assaulting our ears.
In a long life, fate has dealt us many surprises – some good and a few not so good – but seldom has as cruel a joke as Dostana been played on us.
Jump off a cliff, take a knife and cut yourself in a thousand places, get a sex change…do anything but watch this infernal nightmare called Dostana.
You’ll find it impossible to survive the ghastly ordeal.
Related Stories:
Ugly Dostana – So-So at Box Office
Dostana Review – Perverse Abomination added by SearchIndia.com on
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last time when i had my exams going, they released tashan….this time dostana…..am i not allowed to watch decent new releases during study breaks??? hws the james bond flick?
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. You write above: hws the james bond flick?
Just back from the midnight show of the new Bond. Good.
Review maybe tomorrow.
2. You write: they released tashan….this time dostana…..am i not allowed to watch decent new releases
Tashan, Dostana – decent?
De gustibus non est disputandum
last time when i had my exams going, they released tashan….this time dostana…..am i not allowed to watch decent new releases during study breaks???hws the james bond flick? and what’s the status of dil chahta hai?
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Dil chahta hai pushed back to next week on account of new releases.
Every reviewers gave the movie above average to good review.. I’m confused!! 😕
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Who can fathom how reviewers’ minds work?
Every review is the function of so many elements – the local ambience, exposure of reviewer, sensitivity level of reviewer to crap, the organization in which he/she works….
aditya_k – Bond was very average. The editing was shocking in some parts, like the opening scenes. His Aston Martin gets sideswiped into a wall by an 18 wheeler in the middle of a car chase and the driver’s side door is ripped off in addition to the windows being smashed throughout the car. But somehow the next 45 seconds of chase footage and camera cuts show a pristine Aston Martin leading the pack around the roads of Italy, only for it to mysteriously reappear in a state of twisted metal again towards the end of the chase despite not having any further contact with other cars. When I saw such a glaring oversight in the first 5 minutes, my expectations were definitely lowered for the rest of the movie. Other chase scenes were muddled and the camera shots were average. The new Bond girl isn’t dreadful as some reviews have made her out to be. Not everyone can be Halle Berry, but this Olga Kuryalenko was adequate. I was in a sold out, jam packed theater and the most excited they got was during the previews. Otherwise, the place was pretty subdued, not really any oohs, wows, or holy $*** during any of the action. Even the cheeky Bond jokes hardly elicited a chuckle from the audience. I didn’t think it was worth the $11.50 I paid. Wait for it on DVD.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Bond is more than a chase or even two.
With a James Bond movie, the whole is always greater than the sum of its parts.
Daniel Craig is good. Maybe, our favorite or second favorite Bond.
We were happy to miss the exotic gadgets.
I knew Dostana would be a bullshit. But due to the media hype some guys have fallen into optimism of hoping the movie would be good.
People have become adapted to watch such movies. As a result, their mental capabilities are beginning to wither.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Dostana is a microcosm of the Indian movie industry (with a few exceptions, of course).
Hi SearchIndia team,
I just want to tell u that you are doing a fabulous job!
I am especially impressed with your movie reviews because it’s completely neutral, honest and very true.
Hats off to u guys & girls!
Cheers
Dhivya
I liked Craig better than all other Bonds.. except maybe Connery..
But in real life he seems to be a goofy guy.. watched him on Leno a few weeks back.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIu36BRAsAU
SearchIndia.com Responds:
You write above: I liked Craig better than all other Bonds.. except maybe Connery..
Likewise here.
Here’s some other problems with this Bond movie:
I haven’t seen all of them, but as far as I know and definitely the ones I have seen were all stand-alone movies. Yes, Bond was in all of them. But the villains, Bond girls, plots were all distinct and had nothing to do with previous installments. This is also why the role has been able to shift to different actors because Bond is more or less always the same age in the context of each movie.
Quantum of Solace unfolds as a sequel to Casino Royale. Half the time I was trying to figure out why I should be remembering stuff from Casino Royale when I never had to do that with any other Bond movie. I mean, I didn’t have to try and remember stuff from Goldeneye when watching Tomorrow Never Dies or I didn’t have to remember stuff from Dr. No when watching From Russia with Love because they weren’t sequels but their own movies.
Usually the villains are quite nefarious and have some plot to take over the world. The best the writers could come up with for QoS was cutting off Bolivia’s water supply so that Dominic Greene could trick the president into signing over the contract to the country’s water and utilities? Not exactly the most compelling or imaginative villain activity. And Greene himself isn’t the most compelling villain, at least not one to milk two movies out of.
Part of the enjoyment of other past Bond movies was suspending belief. The audience knew that he would engage in fight or chase scenes in which he walks out without a scratch etc. Even though he is not a superhero or a character with supernatural abilities, he is special because he is Bond. But at least in some way things were handled without trying to be so realistic. I thought QoS is confused, it doesn’t know if it is trying to be a realistic movie or an action movie.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
You write: Part of the enjoyment of other past Bond movies was suspending belief
Isn’t it suspending disbelief?
Talking of suspending disbelief, in Tamil & Hindi movies…one second the hero and heroine are in Chennai….a few seconds later they’ve landed on the Alps after a detour in London and return via Melbourne after brief stopovers in San Francisco, Machu Pichu and Namibia. Yes, all of this happens in the course of a single song (of course, this is hyperbole…but you get the point. Right).
Surprisingly, “I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry” is not an original either. It is a rip-off of the Australian movie, “Strange Bedfellows”, starring Paul Hogan (Crocodile Dundee).
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Yes, we know. Strange Bedfellows DVD is with us currently.
Oops. Yes, suspending disbelief is what I meant. First chink in the armor.
Off topic, heard anything about when Chandni Chowk to China or My Name is Khan are coming out? I thought CCTC was supposed to come out at Diwali but then got pushed back to January and not sure if it got pushed back again or what.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Last we heard, Chandni Chowk was set for Jan 2009.
The next three biggies are Yuvaraj (Salman Khan, Nov. 21??), Ghajini (Aamir Khan…Dec 25) & Rab ne bana Jodi (Shahrukh Khan, Dec 12).
My Name is Khan is late 2009.
Who are you to write such a non-sense review, plz also have some courage to write your name,identity at the end.
We all enjoyed the movie and found to be good funny movie of the recent times and when all the other movie review experts are analyzing this movie to be entertaining then what is the reason you dont like even a single thing about the movie??
the music is fabulous and selling like hot cakes just check the market. so as the film everyone is appreciating.
friends, one small request to everyone …read this review and take the exactly opposite meaning out of this review and you will find a good reason to watch movie.
have fun
SearchIndia.com Responds:
You write: Who are you to write such a non-sense review
The Boss. Pera ketta summa…
The movie time and again reminds you of diff Hollywood movies …especially in the last 1 hr or so ..the twists and turns in the story and the scenes also .. nevertheless .. by Hindi Film standards …it different and fairly entertaining…
Cant call it a good movie .. but decent fare ..yes .. makes you laugh throughout …
Actors ..well …they have a long way to go before they can be called so …
Acting as gay to get a room for rent? Dump this trash in Cooum (this the stinkiest river on earth)
you (SI) start talking about Dostana and then “jump cut” to QoS. What is the necessity for doing that when you (SI) had written an exclusive trash on QoS where you (SI) miserably fails to glorify QoS. Even Marc Foster wouldn’t do that! Oops! You are friends of the above mentioned Miami guys with the same IQ level. Now i know why and how you got confused. Sorry!!!!!!!!
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Come back when you are sober because you make no sense.
BTW, just curious when the F in your name is expanded are the last two letters ‘ed‘? 🙂
SI:
I have recently started reading a couple of good blogs (not all are entertaining)..and yours fall under that category.
Whatever you write and whatever “constructive” criticism u get, you never fail to lose your sense of humour…this is an excellent quality!!
I really really enjoy reading ur comments a.k.a reviews and also ur replies to the “comedy pasagal”!!!!
Have dude / dudette and keep blogging!! 😀
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Thank you.
That waxing body hair removal is ditto copy from ‘The 40 yr old virgin’ (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0405422/)
In Dostana review, the actor’s (Abishek) wife is commented. What is the need. It is good practice to Write the review for the movie, not the actors wife. Unn basaila sonna saria kuppai korangu velai.
SearchIndia.com Respond:
(Since the above idiot selected a vulgar user name, we picked one more suited to its IQ.)
The reason we referred to Aishwarya Rai in the Dostana review is because she’s as bad an actress as her hubby Abhishek Bachchan.
I tend to agree except for that uproariously funny scene with Boman and Kiron Kher- my lungs still hurt..gee classic example of what happens when all facets of cinema come together-brilliant.
Media is trying to make this as a Abhishek film but it also has other actors in it too. he is one lucky guy. after 17 straight flops this guy had survived only because of daddy’s connections (Yash Chopra, Karan Johar, etc.) ABsr was so desperate to get his son’s career going that he even starred in films with him. (bunty aur babli, sarkar, kabhie alvida na kehna). he may have done ok in dostana but let’s be honest he is still far away from being the so called star. he is just a media made superstar. as for a solo draw nobody wants to see him alone. the “real” star in dostana is karan johar not ABjr not John Abraham not Priyanka Chopra. put anybody in his films and they will do good. if you cast Vvek, Aftab, Fardeen in Dostana it still would have been a hit. ABjr can’t bring in the audience. he is as of now part of the biggest disaster ever made. ever: DRONA. that film lost over 30cr. no movie has ever done that. so people need to stop praising him big time. if dostana is a hit it is because of karan johar’s name not ABjr.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
We don’t think much of Abhishek Bachchan either.
“You’ll find it impossible to survive the ghastly ordeal.”
Unfortunately this godly pronouncement failed to work in my case. I found the movie to be the boldest, and most sensible attempt in comtemporary Hindi cinema, of dealing with alternate sexual identity. Yes, the movie matures as it progresses, and hence initially Abhishek Bachchan and John Abraham seem a tad unconvincing in their long give-and-takes concerning renting the apartment. However, the achievement of the movie is that it boldly and unashamedly deals with the topic of sexuality — not just ‘gay’, but sexuality in general. So when Bobby Deol tells Prinyanka Chopra that he is better than her friends because he is also good in …”, an audience that does not get to ever hear its sexual woes portrayed on screen, is in splits. Contrast this with a sex-starved something from the Bhatt stable.
In any case, having seen the kind of extremely bad-humor replies that the site has been giving to some opinions by members (who say that the review is bad and the movie is good), I do not want to write a review on the movie here, only to be bad-mouthed. Just want to say that whether it has been copied from English/Australian movies or not, as an end-product, made in Hindi with our actors, the movie is a bold and sensible, not to mention uproariously entertaining, take on sexuality.
P.S.: Why would you write something like “Karan ‘pansy’ Johar”, as part of describing the producer of the movie? Is that what you hold against the director and the movie? That for once, being gay is not labelled as a ‘sickness’ or a ‘bad’ thing? That it is humorously looked at, for all its funny acts and idiosyncrasies?
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. You write above: “You’ll find it impossible to survive the ghastly ordeal.” Unfortunately this godly pronouncement failed to work in my case.
Oh, we should have clarified. We were addressing humans when we wrote You’ll find it impossible to survive the ghastly ordeal.
2. You write above: I found the movie to be the boldest, and most sensible attempt in comtemporary Hindi cinema, of dealing with alternate sexual identity.
We found the movie to be the baddest, and most senseless attempt in contemporary or historical cinema in dealing with any identity.
In short, the movie was a piece of crap. The screenplay was so amateurish in its treatment and that quarter (Abhishek Bachchan, John Abraham, Priyanka Chopra & Bobby Deol) is so bad in the acting department…where do you even begin?
3. You write: Why would you write something like “Karan ‘pansy’ Johar”, as part of describing the producer of the movie
Doesn’t Karan Johar seem more than a tad effeminate to you?
i disagree.I enjoyed the movie.Sure, it wasnt flawless.The gay thing was completely over done in a few sequences ( boman irani ).the movie leads you to believe that all goras are gay.( i didnt see a single straight one).The john-priyanka date-thingy was passionless.But it did have its good moments.abishiek and priyanka are a whole lot better here then they were in drona.( yucky movie, dat one…).Kirron Kher was great.bobby deol looked out of place.Overall, an ok fare.Never reaches great heights, but it didnt dissapoint my moderate expectations.
P.S- John abraham is a graceless red bottomed baboon.
Your comments in Review:Priyanka Chopra looked cheaper than the cheapest slut and uglier than the ugliest tramp in the Desi Girl song.
Ok. Why u comment on someones looks, please review the movie only. Looks is GOD given, one can’t change ones face. There chera kabhi ayne me dekha kya?… kuppai korangu…..Look at your writing style. Please be critic and don’t be abusive on actors, people while writing these reviews. Please learn and live healthy & good.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. Cut the sanctimonious act.
We know what loathsome user name you picked (which we changed to one more befitting your personality).
2. You write: Looks is GOD given
Are you a total illiterate.
So you think plastic/cosmetic surgeons work on kidneys?
neramda saami….oru blog arambichutu nee enaku buthi sollara. It will be good for everyone – concerned people to know what u write on them here especially ela thalivar.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
(Since the above poster selected a vulgar user name, we picked one more suited to its IQ.)
Thalaiva, ungallamadari Uyirinda Manithanaku buthi sollara allavukku arivali inge yarum illai (there’s no one here smart enough to lecture exalted souls like you).
In future, when you use Tamil expressions you must provide the English equivalent alongside so that non-Tamil speakers may benefit from the pearls you throw before ordinary mortals. Comprende?
LOL, SI, I had more fun reading the comments than your review this time. Now I can believe you when you say attacks are made on your server by some people. 😛
BTW, I had the misfortune of watching the movie this weekend. I’ve written my own little review on the masterpiece. Do check it out. 🙂
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Just read your review.
Our favorite sentence from your piece: The only scenes where he [John Abraham] looked bearable was when he was not present.
Media reports from India claim this piece of crap is doing well. Not sure what to believe from India anymore.
You wrote, “BTW, just curious when the F in your name is expanded are the last two letters ‘ed‘? ”
LOL, I split a gut laughing 😀
Hey, thanks! Oh, btw, I’ve decided to give a break to MNBs for a while, drove to the second hand bookstore this weekend and got myself a couple of Agatha Christie mysteries. Am currently reading, “And then there were none”. Boo! I’ve read about 100 pages so far, and I’m now scared stiff of my own shadow, heh. Will complete it tonite. Whats up with you, read anythn lately?
PS: am ashamed of the fact that I had to abort The Fountainhead midway, owing to lack of strength and concentration. But I’ll finish it, ofcourse. Step aside, Hugh Grant, am halfway to falling in love with Howard Roark 😉
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. You write above: Whats up with you, read anythn lately?
The usual –NYT, WSJ, FT, New Yorker.
Also, re-reading Macaulay’s essays.
2. You write: got myself a couple of Agatha Christie mysteries
Many summers ago (in the spring of our lives), we read most of Agatha Christie – the Hercule Poirot series, Miss Marple…(Murder on the Orient Express et al). Liked them then. Not sure, if we’ll enjoy them now in the autumn of our lives.
Aww please! As far as I’m concerned, for you, summer hasnt even arrived yet! Btw, what exactly did you mean by “spring”? One of my classmates in college completed the entire Sidney Sheldon collection by the time she reached 8th standard.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
You write: Btw, what exactly did you mean by “spring”?
When we said the spring of our lives, we meant younger days. Now we’re in the autumn of our lives, the fading, decrepit years.
asha, your classmate.. did she get pregnant by 9th standard? arent the sidney sheldon books for mature readers? wtf are the parents doing.
Arent you kiddin me now! What I meant by that question was, dont act like u’ve bcom old or smthn, for, as far as I know, you might’ve read the Poirots and Miss Marples by the time you were in your 11th(spring), and well, the autumn is, like, 35!!!
Guys, this is unforgivable. SI is trying to create a snag in our pursuit of The Grail. This tantamounts to, umm, concealing crucial evidence and, um, obstructing the course of investigation. The law decrees that you must, therefore, reveal yourself. 😉
PS: Gandhiji, unfortunately, I have no way of knowing that. I knew her in college. Well, again, mature is as mature does. Thats the beauty of literature, really. There is no age limit. She was the most well read girl I knew. She had completed most of The Classics by the time I knew her. Wow. Jus imagine!
SearchIndia.com Responds:
We really are in the evening of our lives. Why do we think we watch so many Bollywood & Kollywood movies…just to tell God that we didn’t completely waste our time on Planet Earth. Think how pleased God would be when we describe the various parts of Nayanthara’s anatomy. 😉
Talking of autumn, many years back we read a book Autumn of the Patriarch by Gabriel Garcia Marquez…can’t remember anything of it now…maybe if we read the first few pages we’ll remember again.
Yeah yeah, God is going to be bored enough hearing you rant and rave about Jessica Biel, dont tell me you are gonna start Nayantara, too! He’s gonna decide you are quite a handful, and send you right back!!!
SearchIndia.com Responds:
We won’t have anyone say anything ill about our dear Nayanthara, God’s chosen one.
Did you know that God sent Nayanthara to Earth to distract the Tamils from the LTTE nonsense. 😉
And Gandhiji will be mighty upset to hear anything remotely critical of Jessica ‘Best of the Jessicas‘ Biel.
Oh no, wudnt dream of criticising Biel, I liked her in Chuck and Larry, and I think she was in that Nicholas Cage thriller, “Next”.
Anyways, jus finished readin Aunt Agatha’s novel. I wish I dint read it so late at nite, thrillers always spook me 🙁
Ah well, u hav a great day! I’m gonna hav a terrible nite here!
SearchIndia.com Responds:
Guten nacht.
I bow down you sir. Excellent Post.
“I DON’T BELIEVE YOU GUYS” when you write about
Priyanka Chopra :
“Priyanka Chopra looked cheaper than the cheapest slut and uglier than the ugliest tramp in the Desi Girl song.”
Even a Prostitute don’t deserve this kind of crap.
Don’t get me wrong, Priyanka is a horrible actress, but I guess she is a nice girl. Why write bad about nice people specially girls, comment on their acting, You have no right to insult women. You are biased when it comes to preity zinta (nice bubbly girl, but needs acting lessons.)
You can call them ugly, but can’t assassinate their characters.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
1. You write above: Priyanka…I guess she is a nice girl. Why write bad about nice people specially girls
Who said she’s not a nice girl.
And what does nice mean anyway.
2. You write: You are biased when it comes to preity zinta
No, we are not biased at all.
In any case, Preity Zinta is over the hill now and looks like a budiya (grandma). She’s probably back to wearing diapers now (they say old women often suffer from incontinence).
SearchIndia.com is the most objective, fair & balanced (not in the Fox sense) web site on all things Indian.
To the gentleman / lady (anu), who was protesting about this being a very bold movie etc (However, the achievement of the movie is that it boldly and unashamedly deals with the topic of sexuality — not just ‘gay’, but sexuality in general. So when Bobby Deol tells Priyanka Chopra that he is better than her friends because he is also good in …â€), you need to get a life. Or watch more movies.
If you really want to watch Bollywood movies portraying sexuality unabashedly, watch “Pyar Ke Side Effects”. I have been told it is based on the TV series “Coupling”, but not being familiar with the latter, I am in no position to compare. But “Pyar Ke Side Effects” was a riot, complete with direct references and double entendre.
Not this rubbish. The only place that I found myself amused was at the Gabbar Singh humour. Admittedly, I laughed very hard at that. I have to confess that I like Priyanka Chopra, which was one motivation for my watching the movie. Of course, within the first 20 minutes I wanted out.
SearchIndia.com Responds:
We’ve watched Pyar Ke Side Effects and liked it a lot.
As we wrote a few years back: